How to Be a “Powerful Person in a Partnership”

Tuesday, Apr. 12th 2011 4:58 PM

Relationships are critical. Mankind was not created to be a solitary species. We grow and learn by interacting with others, and our romantic partnerships can be the most fulfilling and the most challenging of all. Often, the greatest challenge can be the power struggle – over “who wears the pants” or whose interests get served by each “mutual” decision. Fighting battles where someone wins and someone has to “compromise” can be exhausting. And it can wreak havoc on a partnership.

If we intend to have partnerships where there is peace and mutual respect, we must create environments that invite others to interact with us while still being true to who we are and what we want. The key to striking this balance is not to gain more power over your partner so that you can win more arguments. It is to embrace the power that you have as an individual, adult human being to chart your own course – and to empower your mate to do the same.

A Powerful Person in a Partnership understands and accepts these four basic premises of romantic relationships:

  1. To thine own self be true. We are all individuals before we are partners. Even when we are in relationships, our individual wants and needs continue to guide us. Many of us play altruistic, sacrificial or religious so that we can appear to be self-less. Hogwash. The most fundamental reason that you do what you do is because it benefits you – even if only to validate your view of yourself as someone who is self-less. This doesn’t mean that you don’t care about what your partner wants. I care about my mate’s feelings, but I am responsible for mine first. And her first responsibility is to herself – to create the life she wants to live. While we may often come to compromises in our relationship, we do not compromise ourselves. To do so would undermine our individual happiness and therefore the enjoyment each of us gets from the relationship.

  2. Don’t take away your partner’s power. If you can accept that you are in it for you, you must also accept that your partner has the same inclination and right. Instead of taking it personally when our mates protect their interests along the way, accepting and respecting this without anger or jealously makes us more powerful. It shows that we are self-empowered enough to know that our partners’ desires and needs are not always about us. And it shows our mates that we love them enough to let them be themselves, which makes us more attractive partners.

  3. Take responsibility for your own life. Once we can accept that our personal interests guide us, we can uncover the unique ways that we attempt to manipulate the people in our lives. If you want someone to do something but are unwilling to reveal what you get out of it, you are being manipulative. A Powerful Person in a Partnership will self-assess, adjust and carry the responsibility of manifesting whatever he/she wants in a relationship without manipulation. Instead, chart your own course and pick a mate who is well-suited for the journey.

  4. Be prepared to walk away. Everything and everyone changes. Sometimes, we change in a way that makes our current partnerships less attractive than before. And that’s OK. You only have one life. Live it. A Powerful Person in a Partnership will gracefully, lovingly and appreciatively accept and respect his/her partner’s decision to walk away. Doing so can be hard, especially if one person doesn’t want the relationship to end. But if we truly want our mates to be empowered, we will want them to do whatever makes them happy. Even if it never comes to that, the knowledge that you could lose one another can strengthen your bond. When I kiss my mate goodbye each morning, I do so knowing that it could be our last. Death could take her or that she might take her stuff and go before I get home. This makes me appreciate the kiss (and the woman) even more.

This issue is at the heart of all of my blogs (and my forthcoming book). My goal is always to help you, my reader, become a more Powerful Person in a Partnership. So, if you want to learn more about how this applies to your relationship, keep reading.

Keep Rising,

Frank Love

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67 Comments on “How to Be a “Powerful Person in a Partnership””

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