I am a light-hearted guy – and, as many of the people closest to me put it, a “knucklehead.” So, I find the generally serious, aggressive tone that looms over many relationships – whether discussing their basics or specifics – to be overkill. And a little dangerous.
There are some aspects of marriage that many people consider “too sacred” to even discuss or negotiate – such as monogamy. And while I appreciate the romantic sentiment at work here, self-censorship undermines the importance of communication in human relationships. Many of us are raised to think that certain topics, such as money, religion, and politics, should be off limits – for the sake of politeness or keeping the peace. But if we never discuss them, we limit our opportunities for learning, growth and/or understanding.
Speaking freely can be important in relationships, and agreeing that nothing is too sacred to discuss can save you lots of heartache and confusion down the road. Without conversation and negotiation, assumptions may arise and linger. And assumptions can get us into trouble.
Sacred means “reverently dedicated to some person, purpose or object.” Sure, there are certainly things I believe to be sacred – including my family, my friendships and my quiet time. But I have learned that this reverence is mine and pretty much only mine. Strangers and even friends may not value any of these things. This value is determined and felt by me, but not by the world. To assume otherwise would only lead to disappointment.
Bottom line: You can make whatever you want to make sacred … to you. But it gets tricky when others are involved. And because a relationship is an agreement between two people, it’s only as sacred as its participants make it. People change and, therefore, so do the players in agreements, often without your permission or consent.
Is your relationship or some aspect of it too sacred to discuss? Perhaps it would hurt too much if the two of you were to analyze or change it? Or, maybe you had a discussion, considered the matter closed, and made it clear that you never want to revisit it. But if there is something you believe to be set in stone, remember this: Stone breaks. It is just the nature of working with someone else. An understanding of this is both flexible and Powerful.
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