When Partners Do Things We Do Not Like

Monday, May. 14th 2012 10:11 AM

As you might have already guessed, my blogs are conversations that I am having (or have had) with myself – and with you, dear reader, when you are kind enough to join the dialogue. I write, not because I have everything figured out, but because these conversations help me learn about myself and my relationships, and I hope they help you too. As I share my perspectives with you, and weigh the feedback you provide. I also discover more about what it takes to be Powerful Person in a Partnership. And I have learned that it all really boils down to two things: acceptance and flexibility.


Case in point: A few days ago, I wanted rice to go with my lunch. My mate is the superior rice maker in our house, so I asked her to make some for me. She agreed to do so, but wanted me to wait until she finished what she was currently doing. I asked if she knew when that would be, but she didn’t, so I resigned myself to waiting, meanwhile resuming my work.

Fast forward one hour. I still hadn’t received the promised rice when she asked me to come downstairs and help her move something. I said sure but that I would need a few minutes to wrap up what I was working on (which was true, not an attempt to get back at her). She insisted that she needed my help immediately and promised it would not take long. After more nudging, I relented and followed her downstairs.

After moving the furniture, I asked if she noticed the similarities between my request for rice and her request for help, and if she noticed that I had shown her a different level of understanding and patience than she showed me. Her answer: “No.”

I was irritated but decided this was a great opportunity to take a step back and show the level of acceptance that I promote. In truth, I was not particularly surprised by her behavior. After all, I know her and her patterns well. I know that she rarely appreciates or understands my efforts to use such comparisons to help her understand how I feel. This has been the case as long as I have known her.

Another pattern that I am aware of is her need to think through challenging issues on her own. If I attempt to discuss the issue with her, she often shuts down. This, too, is old news. Yet, I find myself irritated by what I already know about her, rather than just accepting the things I cannot change, that she probably will not change, and that don’t really matter in the long run. I know from experience that she will conduct herself this way, and ironically I also know that these issues always work out in a manner that I find satisfactory.

So, what’s the point in wasting energy being irritated? It’s not a very accepting, flexible way for me to treat her, and it keeps me from being happy – which is more important to me than seeing her change.

Therefore, I have decided to practice being more accepting when it comes to the qualities I find less attractive in my mate – just as she accepts what she might consider to be my shortcomings. So, if I regularly remind myself of what I know about her, I might not find myself disappointed when these issues come up. Some might call – making a habit of reminding myself of ways my partner irritates me – masochistic or at least unromantic. I call it practice. And studious practice leads to mastery, which is Powerful.

So, what do you think? What does your partner do that drives you crazy? Are you capable of simply accepting that quality or behavior as part of who your mate is, and not considering it a ploy designed to infuriate you? How do you practice that acceptance? And how does doing so make your mate more likely to accept you?

Keep Rising,

Frank Love

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Leave a Comment: Let Us Know Your Thoughts

How to Gracefully Exit a Relationship

24 Comments on “When Partners Do Things We Do Not Like”

  1. Marie P. Says:

    Every person has his own unique and individual way of being in the world as revealed by his personality, idiosyncrasies and habits.

    Some of these approaches to life mesh easily with ours.

    Some…but not all.

    And when we find ourselves encountering the approaches that are less than compatible with ours (and, sometimes, produce an ANNOYING clash) we are challenged with the issue of how to proceed.

    Do we swallow our annoyance, grit our teeth and pretend to be OK?

    Should we routinely “give in” or “give way” with the feeling that we wouldn’t win under any circumstances anyway?

    Should we have an outright confrontation about the merits of how we see things vs. the other person’s point of view?

    All possible ways of dealing with what feels like a disturbance in the emotions of our worldview.

    There’s still another approach that could shine a different light on the situation.

    I call it The “Honor” System because it HONORS ANOTHER’S PROCESS.

    And it does this even when someone else’s approach doesn’t make much sense to us or it’s not what we prefer.

    It’s an honoring of what is important to them in their life…given their experiences, concerns and fears.

    It honors the place in the evolution of their lives where they reside right now…in this present moment.

    And when we honor (respect, support) someone’s approach to life…we convey our caring for their sense of well-being. We remove the threat of conflict for them…the threat of having someone they may need to push against in order to defend or try to prove their point of view and, instead, by standing out of the way, we empower them to see how their approach serves them…or not.

    Best of all, our generous understanding will be met with gratitude and appreciation and things progress forward smoothly with everyone freed up to evaluate their own way of doing things.

    The world is full of the various colors of expression chosen by others. When we accept and embrace this variety, we participate in The Divine Matrix which ministers to and supports EVERYONE.

    Best of all, honoring others is actually honoring ourselves…honoring our higher yearning to live in a beautiful peace and harmony with our fellow earth-dwellers.

  2. Ar-Rahman B. Says:

    I ask myself that very same question. It happens to me when my wife my life long partner dose something I don’t like. I have learn to accept the good and the bad.
    All relationship are that way, in order for it to work we must accept the good and the bad. I now let her know what it is that I don’t like and she dose the same. This has help me to look at all things differently and people. What do you think?

  3. Patricia M. Says:

    I do agree with you Marie. That is JUST what I DO, even if I feel a bit rattled, I know that there is a what I call a ‘becoming process’ for everyone. You see, I too know that I am still
    ‘becoming’ and would like to be treated the same way. My philosophy is ‘Do unto others as you would like to be done to you.’

  4. Michel Says:

    Accept the fact that these things irritate you. If you can’t accept that, it’s impossible to go beyond irritation into acceptance for the behaviour your partner is playing out. Irritations are usually if not always projections of our own unconscious. Why are you irritated? Is it her, or is it you? Or is it both? I vote for the last, because I am a big fan of ANDAND and don’t do much OROR.


  5. Doug M. Says:

    You have opened Pandora’s box with this one. I doubt there is one person out there that has a mate that does not do at least 1 thing that drives them crazy.

  6. Michel Says:

    What I would like to add is that emotions can never be rationalised away. At least this is my lesson (learned by hitting my head against the same branch often). Emotions are to be experienced. The answer is always in or beyond the experience. So my approach is to try to accept my emotions, and try to understand why I am experiencing them afterwards.

  7. andre c. Says:

    THANKS MARIE!That was a very helpful and insightful comment.

  8. Dick I. Says:

    Leslie Vernick has a dynamite article that speaks to this subject. I share it with you. It’s too long for one comment, so will have to come serially…

    Acting When Your Spouse Acts Wrong
    God can use the annoyances of marriage to school us in his love.
    Leslie Vernick

    Discipleship Journal
    Issue 136 July/August 2003

    It was one of those crazy weeks: deadlines looming, clients in crisis, dirty dishes scattered throughout the house. In a moment of frustration, I yelled at my husband, “You never help me around the house!” That was not accurate. Although Howard doesn’t always notice the things I do, he is always willing to help. I’m sure he was tempted to defend himself: “What do you mean I never help you around the house? Just last week, I …” But that’s not what he did. Instead, he asked, “What can I do?”

    Still frazzled, I snapped back, “Plan next week’s menu, shop for all the groceries, and cook all the dinners.” And he did. The meals were simple (frozen pizza, hot dogs, chicken nuggets), but the love behind them was extravagant. It is an incredible gift to our husbands or wives when we respond in a godly way to their wrong actions. This gift comes through hard work—and the grace of God. God uses our relationships to school us in how to love when we don’t feel like it, how to forgive when we’ve been sinned against, and how to overcome evil with good. God can use the imperfections, weaknesses, differences—and, yes, even the sins—of our spouses to help us become more like Christ. Marriage provides the perfect backdrop for continual lessons in applied theology.

    It’s My Problem?
    Someone once said, “Adversity introduces a person to himself.” When our spouses aren’t behaving as we’d like, God often wants to show us a few things about ourselves.
    Before marriage, I pictured myself as a kind and easygoing person. Once married, however, I began to glimpse another side of me. I saw how much I liked my own way and how angry I became when I didn’t get it. I noticed a tendency to hang on to my hurts. I got a peek at my pride when I believed I was right, and my husband was equally convinced I was wrong. These negative aspects of my personality were exposed when Howard wasn’t doing what I thought he should. When things were pleasant between us, these sins remained hidden.

    I see the same pattern as I counsel married couples. When I ask, “When did your problems start?” I often hear, “I didn’t realize I had problems until I got married.”
    Rather than focus on what our spouses are doing to us that is annoying or hurtful, we must redirect our attention to what our spouses’ wrongs reveal in us.
    We generally blame our spouses for our reactions: “You make me so mad.” “If you didn’t do that, I wouldn’t act this way.” But our spouses actions don’t cause our responses. For example, I feel impatient and irritated when I am waiting in line for a slow clerk who is chatting with another clerk. The clerk is not making me feel these things. She is simply the trigger that exposes the impatience and anger already in my heart.

  9. Dick I. Says:

    2nd installment of Leslie Vernick:

    Jesus explained it this way. “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. “ Lk. 6:45 What overflows from your heart and comes out of your mouth when your spouse behaves badly? God uses those moments to expose our hearts so we can see ourselves more clearly, change, and grow. Part of that change is learning to step back and take in the larger picture.

    The Real Battle
    When I’m fighting with my husband, I usually lose sight of whom I should be fighting and what I should be fighting for . I fight to get my way, to be right, or to prove my point. But the real struggle couples face is not for such temporal victories. As much as we might feel it in the moment, our spouses are not the enemy. Rather than engage in combat with each other, we need to ward off Satan’s tactics. Rather than seeking to vindicate ourselves, we need to fight for the glory of God, the preservation of our marriages, our spiritual health, and our children’s future.
    Satan is our real enemy. He is out to destroy us ( 1 Pet. 5:8 ). Satan tries to convince us that God’s ways don’t satisfy and that following Him will rob us of something enjoyable. During marital troubles, he whispers, “Why should you work on your marriage? After all, look what your spouse has done. Why should you forgive? You have needs too.”
    When Susan discovered that her husband, John, was heavily involved in internet pornography, she felt deep hurt and anger. Her first impulse was to shame him publicly, exposing him to his family, church, and employer. But if Susan is going to win her battle, she needs a clear understanding of Satan’s strategies and the weapons available to her.
    The only weapons that have real power are spiritual ( 2 Cor. 10:3-5 ). God gives us a powerful alternative to reacting recklessly to our spouses’ sin: “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” ( Ro. 12:21 ). The Apostle Peter reminds us, “It is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men” ( 1 Pet. 2:15 ). We overcome evil with good when we stop battling our spouses and respond to wrongdoing in ways that are godly, righteous, and loving.

  10. Dick I. Says:

    3rd installment of Leslie Vernick:

    From Reacting to Responding
    Jennifer came to counseling grinning from ear to ear. “I finally get it,” she said. “When I don’t react to Paul’s stupid remarks with a sarcastic dig, God actually works in his heart.” Jennifer had learned an important lesson. Though we don’t intentionally set out to ruin our marriages or hurt our mates, our reactions to our spouses’ wrongs can be like tossing a lit match into gasoline. A relationship deteriorates rapidly when two sinners sin against each other at the same time.

    To reverse this pattern, we need to stop reacting out of our fleshly natures and start responding as God calls us to do. Most often, this process starts by harnessing our tongues. Proverbs tells us, “Reckless words pierce like a sword” ( Prov. 12:18 ). The psalmist knew about struggling with the tongue. “I said, ‘I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence’” ( Ps. 39:1 ). Yet he also knew that keeping quiet can be tough. “But when I was silent and still, not even saying anything good, my anguish increased” (v. 2). Something in us feels good when we open our mouths and let someone have it.

    In our culture, we are encouraged to express our negative feelings so we don’t become unhealthy. But negative feelings are a lot like vomit. It feels better to get it out, but vomit belongs in the toilet—not on your spouse. Writing letters to my husband—the kind I rip up rather than send—helps rid me of destructive emotions. Ask God for His perspective. He will teach you what to do with your negative reactions so you can address why you’re upset in a constructive manner. Inevitably, God-directed responses will demonstrate His love.

    Costly Choices
    Many couples are committed to staying married “no matter what,” but they do so with hard hearts. God doesn’t command us simply to stay married, however. He commands us to love, no matter how another person is behaving. “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” ( Lk. 6:27-28 ).
    Love, from God’s perspective, is much more than an emotional feeling for another person. And it is bigger than a commitment to stay together no matter what. To love my husband as God calls me to means that I must consciously choose to act in his best interests, even when it costs me. This type of love is demonstrated when a tired husband stays up late talking with a wife who needs a listening ear, or when a wife who hates to cook gladly makes her husband’s favorite meal. But what does godly love look like when our spouses hurt us, disappoint us, or sin against us?

    David knew his wife, Lisa, wasn’t honest with him about their finances. But he never confronted her about it. He said he loved her and didn’t want to upset her or make her mad.
    However, genuine love is defined by actions that focus on another person’s good, not actions that simply make another person feel good. “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted” ( Prov. 27:5-6 ).

    What was in Lisa’s best interests? She didn’t need David to overlook her spending and deceit; she desperately needed him to confront her. Lisa’s “wrong” became part of God’s plan to mature David. God wanted him to become a God-centered husband, not a Lisa-centered husband. David learned to wrap himself in God’s all-sufficient love and received strength to move beyond his fear of rejection. Then he could boldly love Lisa by confronting the spending problem—for her good and for the welfare of their marriage and family.

  11. Dick I. Says:

    4th installment of Leslie Vernick:

    The Gifts of Love
    Loving our spouses when we are angry or hurt is difficult. It may even feel impossible. But the love that gives good gifts to undeserving people does not originate in a human heart; it is God’s love displayed through us. When our spouses act wrong, we may not readily be able to give them our affection, warmth, or companionship. However, there are gifts of love we can give, regardless of the current climate of our marriages.

    The gift of acceptance. Sometimes we refuse to accept our spouses as they are and where they are. We seem surprised when our spouses act imperfectly or differently, as if somehow they aren’t ever supposed to do such things. “I can’t believe you did that,” we say. “How could you think like that?”
    I’ve heard people say again and again in counseling, “You’re not the person I married!” One time, a husband replied, “Oh, yes I am. But the person you dated? He was a fake.”
    Learning to accept our spouses doesn’t mean we like their faults, neither does it imply that we resign ourselves to a hopeless situation. True acceptance begins with understanding reality: We—and our spouses—are creatures in process. Acceptance is more than a grudging acknowledgement of reality. Acceptance is a true gift when we stop resenting having to give it, when we learn to be emotionally content with our spouses as they are, all the while asking God to mature them.

    The gift of truth. We do not always face the truth in our marriages. We imagine the best in spite of evidence to the contrary. We close our eyes to information that would help us make better decisions. However, there are times when we must tell the truth about reality, though always with love ( 1 Cor. 13:1 ,Eph. 4:15 ).
    None of us likes it when our spouses tell us something about our behaviors or attitudes that we don’t want to face. Yet it is loving and good when they do so. Why? So we do not continue to deceive ourselves into thinking that all is well when we are about to fall off a cliff ( Jas. 5:19-20 ).
    At times, our efforts to give the gift of truth will have wonderful results. Other times, we may see no change or repentance; we may even be mocked. Remember, God has called us to love our spouses as no one else in this world will. That may mean suffering under mockery and still speaking truth ( Ezekiel 2 ).

    The gift of kindness. Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit ( Gal. 5:22 ), and being kind is one of the definitions of love ( 1 Cor. 13:4 ). Yet, as with the other gifts, we struggle to give the gift of kindness when we don’t feel like it or when our mates have hurt us.

    Joan’s husband, Adam, was an alcoholic and a drug abuser. His drug use was so out of control that Joan finally asked him to move out until he got help. When, through friends, she heard he had a bad case of the flu, she cooked a pot of soup and delivered it to his apartment. Joan gave the gift of kindness to her selfish and irresponsible husband.
    Being kind and gracious doesn’t mean you ignore wrongdoing or pretend it didn’t happen. Being kind means that what happens to you doesn’t define you. It doesn’t shape you or turn you into something evil. Extending kindness and mercy doesn’t depend upon whether the other person has been good or bad, wrong or right. Kindness is a gift of love, not a reward for good behavior.

    In every marriage there are moments, even seasons, when we have the opportunity to choose to act right when our spouses act wrong. It might be in small, everyday ways (cooking hot dogs for dinner) or in big ways (extending forgiveness in the face of deep betrayal). God will use even the pain of a difficult marriage to help us become more like Christ—which He promises is very, very good.

    About Leslie

    Leslie Vernick is a counselor and author of How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong and How to Find Selfless Joy in a Me-First World (both WaterBrook).

  12. Elva A. Says:

    A brief response: Ask yourself, “How important is this?” If you consider it very important, tell your partner you need to find a time for you and him/her to talk. Then own the problem, and share “in the I’ what is bothering you. He/she may be willing to negotiate some possible solutions. Just remember, it is your problem.

  13. Eileen B. Says:

    The key here is not to take personally what others may send our way. They are a reflection of a part of us and by stepping back as an observer we can detach from the emotional part of the experience. Ultimately, it seems the reason we are irritated or annoyed by another’s behavior is because of a difference in how we are viewing life due to each of our own influences when growing up. Some people are “victims” of life while others are “living” life. Learning to be in the world but not of it can help to move through challenging exchanges with others. Drawing boundaries, letting others know what you will/will not allow into your experience, how you wish to be treated and standing in your power can reduce or eliminate those “crazy” things others do. Laughing alot helps too (not taking life so seriously)!

  14. Marie P. Says:

    In This World But Not Of It

    Let’s take a quiet moment and shine a spotlight on a creature which so beautifully represents the movement in life of our Spirit Self.

    Imagine a fawn, gently wandering through the woodland…observing the many animals bustling through the forest… birds and insects flitting about, flowers blossoming into the sun and tucking themselves back into their stalks at night.

    When humans enter the forest our fawn notes the activity going on noisily around him and removes himself from the action.

    Within the drama of this woodland scene the fawn retreats quietly in innocence, guided by his own sure instincts.

    Like the fawn…

    We, too, can be in this world, but not of it.

    With a really strong sense of who we are and what we value it is possible to hold our center in the midst of all that is circling around us.

    We can notice the drama…view it through our soul eyes…respond to it with love and compassion but still be untouched by it.

    This is because we can have a knowingness that everyone is journeying through his life path, learning to unravel earthbound cares on the way to becoming his Spirit self and, on this journey, there is much emotion.

    Like the fawn gently watching the woodland scene, we can observe these moments of tension and crises with mindfulness and caring and love from our center…not needing to enter the fray…already fully engaged in the space within us…watching and blessing every living thing around us.

    How lovely to be in this place of peace…a new dimension. How wonderful to bring our quiet support to others without engaging in the drama of their stories.

    THIS is freedom from the cares of the world…a declaration of OUR independence…a celebration of the most beautiful spiritual significance…a step closer to becoming WHO WE TRULY ARE!

  15. Diana E. C. Says:

    We are each other’s mirrors, we project ourselves onto others. This is the law of attraction, what we put out is what we get back.
    So whatever pushes my buttons in my partner’s behavior is what I don’t like about myself. If they are controlling, have to always be right, rigid,unaccepting,negative; that is me. Look within rather than outside at others. Then I look at my partner and see deep within him what I love about him; his generousity, compassion, caring, devotedness, ability to express his emotions. These lovable traits are more valuable than the flaws. We accept their flaws as they accept ours and we love each other for them. We are one big package and we need to accept the whole package.
    A man recently gently told me we could use half as much soap in the dishwasher; at one time this would have pushed my buttons. How dare he tell me what to do, or suggest I don’t know how to wash my dishes. This time my reaction was that it was sweet he cared enough about me to suggest maybe I could save money and be Green. He was being loving in his own way, i lovingly looked up at him and said,”yes, we could thank you for caring.” We need to remember we love this person and why.

  16. Dr. Glen H. Says:

    Great commentary, Frank! Humbly and respectfully, I believe it is significant to set forth that one-size-does-not-fit-all, e.g., the dynamics of this issue encompasses a plethora of possibilities. That said, it is significant to embrace a truly healthful balance in these issues…a ‘middle path.’ It is important to display a truly healthful spirit of dignity, decency, goodness, and grace in our interaction with others (and figuring out how to truly mean it – no matter what)…doing the right thing for the right sake, without the need for selfish recognition or hidden agendas. It is important to realize that we are all riding along in the Same Boat, an that we need not rock the boat in an unhealthful spirit of ‘one-upmanship.’ At worst, we can agree to disagree. At (maybe) best, we can interact in the healthful spirit of True Honesty – which is inclusive of avoiding elevated levels of co-dependence. This is in the splendidly healthful spirit of empathy and True Honesty, promoting of True Happiness and True Freedom…but most importantly, needing less and less to hide behind. True Forgiveness is inclusive of realization that we all have (likely) made similar mistakes, and that ownership of this healthful view is forgiving of ourselves and others…better and better alleviating this pernicious weight from our proverbial shoulders. It is consistent with the healthful spirit of learning to better and better Witness the living loving story of our lives…in a more and more unblemished fashion.

  17. Catherine R. H. Says:

    You make an excellent point in your question! In a relationship, you must be able to accept everything about a person. Do not go into a new relationship expecting a person to change. This is especially true of violent relationships.

  18. Akushi A. Says:

    Hmmm! Provocative question, Thank you. I am willing to see through the eyes of love, sometimes with resistance and sometimes with ease. And sometimes this means I allow myself to be with the uneasiness and investigate my truth. I choose to let go of my perception of right and wrong and choose peace and happiness. I believe acceptance and allowing another to be who they are will reflect on my relationship with who I am and allowing me to be more in the flow with love and peace.

  19. Dr. Glen Says:

    Great commentary, Akushi!

  20. Floyd F. Says:

    Yes Eileen, cultivating a sense of humor and questioning why a certain act annoyed us, can indeed become a help on our personal spiritual quest!

  21. Sharon K. Says:

    Just kiss your loved one and say I love you. My parents were opposites and could get into knock down drag out fights, but at the end of the day there was love and respect. No matter what they held hands and kissed each other until my Mom passed after 39 years of marriage. I can still remember my Dad stroking her head and saying and telling her over and over he loved her the night before she passed. I am grateful she was still conscious and able to acknowledge and feel his love. Live in the present and focus on the love over the irritation and control and a way will come through it.

  22. Marie P. Says:

    Coloring Outside the Lines

    As little children we were often gifted by family and friends with coloring books.

    These books had very distinct pictures of people and places and things. The guidelines, no doubt, helped us learn about the many aspects of life and told us what to expect from our surroundings.

    We were instructed by most of our supervising adults to color carefully inside the lines …and we learned to do so. This served us well for a time…but life proved to be much bigger and bolder and more complex than that original coloring book.

    Coloring inside the lines is a careful response to what we have learned to expect. Stimulus…and reponse. Coloring inside the lines is often our goal. So precise, so clear…so easy to understand.

    And we often carry this preoccupation over into adulthood into the world of interpersonal communication…anticipating that the people in our lives will fulfill our expectations. When they do, we know exactly how to proceed…what “colors” to choose, what the “picture” should look like.

    But… when the people and circumstances and events in our lives don’t look like the pictures in our coloring books (our images of them), we can’t use this childhood process.

    Coloring inside the lines won’t work because the people, places and things won’t stay inside them.

    And this is not a bad thing.

    In fact, it’s a wondrous, challenging thing. Admittedly, sometimes it is very, very difficult…and sometimes very messy. We have to color outside the original lines. We have to see what boundaries will fit each picture (and try to honor and respect them) and we can’t determine that ahead of time. We have to watch where the borders are each moment for they are constantly moving. We have to see how the whole picture itself looks and how it meshes with ours.

    To put this in human terms:

    If we have a certain image of someone or something and then we see that based on what is happening, the image we have is not holding, it is very natural to be distressed. But the problem isn’t with the person or thing or circumstance; the problem is the fact that we are holding onto our old coloring book with a very structured mind picture we have created.

    In doing this we are missing the opportunity to see what really exists in this LIVING work of art.

    We are missing the opportunity to learn something new from each other.

    We are missing the opportunity to be brave and adventurous…to engage in life and be fully present in that Moment.

    If we only color inside the lines, we are missing out on one of the most profound and moving opportunities of life.

    Let’s redefine our creation to include the bold and bright colors that rush headlong into each other alongside the soft and gentle hues that open channels of converging energy with their loving interactions.

    All are brilliant and beautiful. All tell the story of how we come together and, sometimes, stand apart.

    Perhaps the ENGAGEMENT with this colorful, messy, ever moving picture is an ART unto itself.

  23. Wendy S. Says:

    The only thing that I truly dislike when I have been in relationships is when the other half intentionally did things knowing that they are unkind and acted like they were shocked when I was pained buy the behaviour and polite about it.
    After discussing the inconsiderare behaviour they repeatedly did it.
    Hmmm. No wonder, I have opted for being single.

  24. Nigel T. Says:

    The irritation has a cause, firstly I have to know the cause and decide whether this is me or her, and whether to let sleeping dogs lie or tell her, and secondly she needs to know the effects of what she she says or does. Both sides are repsonsible for nurturing the other. This reuires each side to tell each other what is going on

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