Frank Relationship: Kiki Strickland on “Getting Married in 2 Years or Less”

Monday, Mar. 14th 2016 12:01 AM
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Ladies, wanna get married? Today’s guest can help you achieve your goal in two years or less … on this edition of Frank Relationships.

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FRANK RELATIONSHIP: KIKI STRICKLAND ON “GETTING MARRIED IN 2 YEARS OR LESS”
Guests: Kiki Strickland
Date: March 14, 2016

Frank: Ladies, wanna get married? Today’s guest can help you achieve your goal in two years or less… on this edition of Frank Relationships.

Yup! Those are my babies. As always, thanks for getting daddy’s daughter today.

Welcome to Frank Relationships where we provide a candid, fresh and frank look in the relationships with goals of acceptance, respect and flexibility. I’m Frank Love and you can find me, my blog and my various social media incarnations at franklove.com.

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Greetings to my co-host, start off with you, Kweku

Kweku: Greetings.

Frank: How you doing?

Kweku: I’m good man, how’s everyone doing?

Frank: Great. Nancy Goldring, the consummate generalist. What’s up, Nancy?

Nancy: Hi, Frank.

Frank: How you been?

Nancy: I’m great. How are you?

Frank: I’m good, I’m good.

Nancy: Awesome.

Frank: You got something for us on the news today?

Nancy: Come on now, why you always making me the one?

Frank: I mean ‘cause you… I introduce HIM first and then you know…

Nancy: Okay…

Kweku: Because he knows I don’t watch news.

Nancy: Oh, oh…

Frank: And he doesn’t read either.

Kweku: I do read, I do read.

Nancy: No… Actually, actually…

Frank: Well hold on, hold on. I got something I want to talk about first.

Nancy: Okay.

Frank: The…

Nancy: I don’t know you wanted to go down the tunnel I was at it now so that’s good.

Frank: We could go there. I just need a minute, I got some housekeeping.

Nancy: Cool.

Frank: Housekeeping okay?

Nancy: Done deal. That’s fine.

Frank: Alright. There’s a new segment that we’re going to start and it’s where we’re going add a fourth chair here in the studio.

Nancy: Okay.

Frank: So each week, I am going to… Well this week, I’m inviting a co-host from the audience, from the community, if you’re in the DC area or travelling to DC, I’m inviting you to join us in the studio on a given Thursday morning at 8 am. We’re looking to bring a fresh voice in. I’m having fun—particularly, I had fun last week.

Nancy: Oh we did.

Frank: With Dr. D.

Nancy: Yeah, Dr. D. Definitely.

Frank: I had a lot of fun with her as the unintroduced guest and is just—in this week, we got our guest, she’ll be our unintroduced guest until we introduce her but it’s great to have just another voice.

Nancy: Yes.

Frank: And another perspective in the studio. And I’m looking forward to meeting some new listeners. So it’s a way to incorporate our listeners into the show in a different way. So if you’re listening, send me an email or actually go to the website FrankLove.com, click on “Contact Us” and you can tell me and my team that you’re interested in joining us and we’ll see about working you into a show in upcoming week.

Okay, Nancy. Now’s your turn. What’s going on in the relationship world? What’s up in the news? You got anything for me?

Nancy: I got a bag of news papers in my car. I was supposed to do that homework but I never got to it.

Frank: You’re not supposed to tell the audience that it’s homework. They don’t—it’s supposed to sound—

Nancy: Organic?

Frank: Organic, yes.

Nancy: I’m organic.

Frank: It’s supposed to sound like I just ask the question—

Nancy: And I well—

Frank: —and then you just say “Hey, you know I was thinking about this…”

Nancy: Well I have that.

Frank: Alright.

Nancy: I do have that.

Frank: Okay.

Nancy: But I tend to approach it like homework but then when I come in here with is what’s organic. So…

Frank: Okay so you approach it like homework. You look, you read—

Nancy: I want—

Frank: —something and you forget all about that.

Nancy: I want to tell myself “Oh look, get in the paper. Look at this, look at that, look at the news.” And then something else comes by to just [whooshing sound].

Frank: Something else interesting?

Nancy: Yes. Something else just captures me.

Frank: The consummate generalist is—her attention is—

Nancy: Yeah, exactly. So… the thing that got me today or this week was actually an old song. And how I came upon it was the other night, I was in the kitchen and the television was on The Voice. There was a young girl on The Voice, I think her name was Jessica Crossby.

Frank: You’re one of those people with the tv in the kitchen?

Nancy: No. The tv was in the living room. I was in the kitchen.

Frank: And you had the tv up loud so you could hear it—

Nancy: No. No, no, no, no. Family member had it up loud.

Frank: And you didn’t tell your family member to turn the television down?

Nancy: There’s some…

Kweku: Someone’s recorded this.

Nancy: I think the way this is done is you pick your battles so that wasn’t a battle I needed to fight and I was so glad I didn’t..

Frank: Well clearly, you see I’m not picking my battle…

Nancy: Because…

Frank: I’m picking on you.

Nancy: He did just picks right? So I’m listening to this Jennifer Crossby and I don’t know anything—

Frank: Who Jennifer Crossby is? I [unclear] don’t know who she is…

Nancy: —I don’t know her, I don’t even know it’s The Voice at this point.

Frank: Okay.

Nancy: So I hear this song and I hear this woman singing… and I’m like, I can’t figure out what’s pulling me more—the song or her singing. I feel like I’ve heard the song before but I’m not sure, I can’t grasp—

Frank: I know sure… Did you say “I’m not sure”?

Nancy: I’m not sure.

Frank: Okay.

Nancy: I am. [Unclear. I am not sure, right? He’s all you know… it’s a good day for me I’m sure. So… I’m saying, “God don’t I know that song?” I’m like I don’t know but damn she sounds good, right? So… she goes off and you know…

Frank: This has something to do with relationships, right?

Nancy: Yes, yes, yes.

Frank: Okay.

Nancy: So you know, they applaud her, yada, yada, yada… she’s great and so then… it comes to me the next day, yesterday I’m like I got to find out who this was and what they were singing. So it turns out they were singing a song called “Viva la Vida” by Coldplay and the song as I’m listening to it, I don’t know it’s a love song and more importantly, I don’t know that it’s a song about lost love. It doesn’t necessarily call the love romantic but it’s clear that… [song playing] thank you so much. It’s a fabulous song. It is absolutely a fabulous song.

Frank: Did somebody ask him to—

Nancy: Listen to it.

Kweku: That’s what makes him so [unclear]. You know [unclear].

Nancy: Let’s give it to you.

Kweku: I know this song.

Nancy: Listen to this.

Kweku: I live ways to this… She was singing to this?

Nancy: She was singing. I mean, she was killing it [unclear. She’s not Coldplay but she was doing it up. [Unclear].

Kweku: What’s the lead singer of Coldplay’s name?

Jeff: Chris Martin.

Frank: Now you see how… this is so passive-aggressive. I mean, Jeff, I didn’t introduce him and…

Jeff: See what happens when people tell you to turn the tv down… you’re welcome would have been fine.

Kweku: I would have said thank you.

Frank: You know, he constantly has a way of interjecting himself in a way that says that he was smart and good at what he does… But I didn’t even speak about him!

Kweku: Yeah, look, he just came in with his theme music.

Frank: Okay. Are we waiting for like the lyrics or something?

Nancy: No, we got him, we got him. Okay so let me just say that what moved me was that in the lyrics, Chris says, “I used to rule the world, seas would rise when I gave the word, now in the morning I sleep alone, sweep the streets I used to own” and then he goes on you find out that someone who was clearly very dear to him is no longer in his life. And I was like oh my gosh… isn’t it amazing how one person can make you feel THAT good? And it can be a child, it can be a lover, it can be… it doesn’t even have to be a person. I was listening to the radio today and there’s a book I believe called “democracy in America” which is essentially one man’s account of his love for the country. So… I thought about how you can feel that powerful and that potent about something and then it’s often not until that thing is gone.

Frank: That you understand?

Nancy: That you realized how high you were on it or on them.

Frank: And what’s the name you want to give that? What name—who somebody.. or what represents that in your life?

Nancy: Oh wow.

Frank: That you’re willing to share right now?

Nancy: That I’m willing to share—well, you know what? I spent a few minutes yesterday texting my nieces and nephews all of them… and each of them brings me something different and they all never waver in their acknowledgment of me and I’m never really after that with them. I just appreciate having them in my life experience—

Frank: How many are they?

Nancy: —with children. There’s 6 of them. That the children that I did not have—my sister and brother have children—I don’t have any. And they give me such an opportunity to contribute to life and they keep me current in their own way and… I just cherish every moment with them. I realize… their value not just to me but to the world that they impact.

Frank: And you don’t want to—you want to stay safe and talk about your nieces and nephews? You don’t have any like an old boo?

Nancy: No, no. I don’t have an old boo. They’re like blew my hair back. Absolutely. You know I—it’s funny you say that because… well not because. Do I have an old boo that blew my hair back? Yes.

Kweku: Careful, you’re going deep.

Nancy: Yes, yes. Well I’m trying not to go deep. I’m trying to like stay on the surface which is hard for me.

Frank: You know ‘cause we have a transcript that’s on the show every week.

Nancy: Yes.

Frank: And so, when someone Googles “Nancy Goldring,” you’re going to come up—

Nancy: That’s why I have to be mindful.

Frank: And then that old boo?

Nancy: Oooh! Yes.

Frank: That old boo is going to Google you one day and see what you’re up to…

Nancy: She actually did dig me… Did I? Mercy!

Frank: Blew her hair back.

Nancy: Blew her hair back.

Frank: Woah.

Nancy: You’re seeing where it is right now, right?

Frank: You’re going to reveal?

Nancy: Oh my good—I’m sorry?

Frank: You’re going to reveal?

Nancy: The name?

Frank: Yes.

Nancy: No.

Frank: Okay.

Guest: No, don’t do it.

Nancy: That would be inappropriate.

Frank: It would?

Nancy: Yes!

Frank: Not the whole name. You just say the initials.

Guest: But hell no.

Nancy: No.

Guest: So I would know.

Nancy: Actually I couldn’t give the initials because I really feel the initials should at some point become a marketing device and so I’m trying to give him free reign on the cosmetic stage of relationship going forward. I don’t want another lady to say “Oh my god, I have to stand in the shadow of Nancy Goldring.” So…

Kweku: Blew her hair back.

Nancy: Why did you—You’re not blowing my hair back. What you do for her, you didn’t do for free.

Frank: Oh boy. Just the initials? Wouldn’t give that?

Nancy: Oh come on, man. Listen, for me to do it, yeah you know because people put things together. I’m like that. I’m a [unclear].

Kweku: Nancy, you just allow him to dig.

Nancy: Let him go for it. You know what I mean?

Frank: Yes.

Nancy: I know where the gold is.

Frank: It’s in the Goldring.

Guest: I think it’s funny that you brought up that song.

Frank: Who you?

Nancy: She is…

Guest: I’m the guest.

Frank: We got the unintroduced guest chiming in. Alright! Let’s hear what you got.

Guest: So they did this song—

Frank: Hey don’t tell her name yet. I will introduce her.

Guest: That’s alright. You said it wrong anyway.

Nancy: I’m sorry.

Guest: They did this song at the Super Bowl this year.

Nancy: Okay.

Guest: They were the guest and I did not know it was a love song.

Nancy: Well, [unclear].

Guest: In fact, when I heard it in the past, I was a little confused about what it was actually about. And after the Super Bowl, I looked it up and it did say something about the French revolution or one of the revolutions because it was so confusing—

Nancy: Well in the lyrics it talks about I hear Roman Calvary choirs as singing—

Guest: Yes.

Nancy: And then missionaries in foreign fields which essentially in my opinion or experience, speaks to the magnanimity of what he felt in this experience and how he then crashes into sweeping the streets he used to own.

Guest: Ahh.

Nancy: People wanting to know how he came to get—how did you get this—

Guest: But where is the woman in the song?

Nancy: Well like I said, he does not assert in any way that it was a woman.

Guest: Okay.

Nancy: Which brings me to the we can find ourselves in this depth of love for many things—women, children, men, boos, old and current…

Frank: I’m clear.

Nancy: You know, love of country, love of cause, all of that.

Frank: I’m glad you made that coun-try because it sounds—love of cc… I don’t know where—

Nancy: Hey!

Frank: Hey, we got kids listening to the show.

Kweku: Yeah.

Nancy: Onward.

Frank: Rgiht.

Nancy: Come on now.

Guest: No, I’m glad you brought that up. I just could not understand what that song was about. I loved the tune and the beat and all of that but it was confusing. So I’m glad that you pointed that out. What it actually really is about.

Nancy: Yeah.

Frank: I’m not particularly glad you brought it up. I tend to discuss the segment because I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Nancy: okay.

Frank: I don’t really know the song.

Nancy: Let me tell you how powerful it is for the segment then.

Frank: I don’t recognize any lyrics—you’re talking about France, the streets, the French revolution…

Nancy: She mentioned France. Okay, listen. The lyrics are—quickly—

Frank: But no, you already read the lyrics.

Nancy: Okay but she’s talking about the part where he says—what do you mean I already read the lyrics?

Frank: You read something already.

Nancy: yes. But he says… Okay, he says, “I hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing, Roman cavalry choirs are singing, be my mirror, my sword and shield, my missionaries in a foreign field…”

Frank: Yeah, that didn’t—that doesn’t do anything for me. I’ll have to listen again.

Nancy: “Be my mirror, my sword and shield, my missionaries in a foreign field…” Like protect me. This is the depth at which.

Kweku: Well Frank, you asked for this.

Frank: Yes. I did.

Nancy: See? Let me say this to you.

Frank: Oh boy.

Nancy: In my expressed opinion, life is currently lived so much on the surface that people are screaming for depth. And we would not be screaming here talking with our introduced guest—soon to be introduced guest—about the possibility and the adventure of marriage if people in their souls wanted to stay on the surface. Marriage takes you deep.

Frank: And this is coming from?

Nancy: Or this is should.

Guest: It should. Doesn’t always but it should.

Frank: This is coming from the only person in the studio who is not married, engaged, or anything like that?

Nancy: I beg your pardon? That doesn’t mean I don’t have any—

Kweku: Well how do you know moustaches…

Frank: yeah, well I know.

Nancy: Let me just say for the record, that I HAVE BEEN married. Okay? And it was without question, one of the highest experiences of my life. Definitely. I don’t talk against marriage at all.

Frank: And you kick them down the hill?

Nancy: Oh I don’t kick them down the hill.

Frank: Okay.

Nancy: I put them in the basket.

Kweku: After her hair was blown back.

Nancy: Let the float up to you know… Egypt.

Frank: She did not say he was the one.

Nancy: He had to be the one I married.

Kweku: Not necessarily. Maybe after you were married.

Guest: At that time.

Nancy: He was the one at that time.

Guest: Right.

Frank: People get married for all types of reasons.

Nancy: Yes. I married for love.

Kweku: Well maybe the hair wasn’t blown back ‘til after marriage.

Nancy: Oh my god. Here we go… I’m going to take my hair down. And I will say that yes, I was married once. I don’t regret having been married at all. I don’t know… which I thought I did know, I thought I would want to marry again. I don’t know now if I want to.

Guest: and that’s okay.

Nancy: So… but I think back to your whole “boo” thing earlier, one of the things I can say about relationship is almost without exception, the men in my life however they occur, whether they’re boos or fathers or uncles, they have catalyzed my life. In many respects, drive me forward in a direction I didn’t even know I was going to be going or more—they propel me forward even in my own hopes and dreams. So I can’t… that’s my experience.

Frank: Nice, nice.

Nancy: Yeah.

Guest: That’s awesome.

Frank: I feel it’s important to know that I watched the Super Bowl, I watch Coldplay.

Nancy: Okay.

Frank: It did nothing for me.

Nancy: I got it.

Frank: I saw Beyonce and Bruno Mars.

Nancy: Up against me.

Frank: And out of the three of them, Bruno Mars by far was the best to me.

Guest: Oh yeah, he was good.

Frank: When I saw him a few years ago…

Nancy: Don’t believe me.

Frank: I never heard of him.

Guest: Right.

Frank: I mean maybe I heard of him but I didn’t know who he was but I saw him perform on the Super Bowl, I was like—he’s talented. Damn. That’s—he sing that too?

Kweku: You disgust me, bro.

Guest: Oh no, wait a minute.

Kweku: You watch the Super Bowl half time [unclear]?

Frank: I did.

Nancy: Ladies and gentlemen, witnessing the end of a love affair right now.

Kweku: Man law.

Frank: I got some man law for you. I got another man law issue.

Kweku: Man law.

Frank: Do you know for years—and I think we may have discussed this—but years, I would not admit to liking an Usher song.

Nancy: Why?

Kweku: That’s my necessarily [unclear].

Frank: ‘Cause he was a kid. He was like—

Kweku: Yeah okay, I got you.

Frank: No, I mean—

Kweku: That makes sense.

Frank: He’s a man now.

Nancy: He’s a talent.

Frank: The voice he got kids, he’s dealt with some serious stuff.

Kweku: That definitely makes a man, huh?

Frank: But he’s dealt with some serious stuff like he lost a child.

Guest: Wow, I didn’t know that.

Frank: I mean, yes. He went to a rough divorce. I mean, he’s grown up.

Nancy: Yeah, yeah.

Frank: But when he was a kid, I don’t want to talk about—

Kweku: Nah, you weren’t suppose to.

Frank: Listen to Usher, no.

Nancy: And like Justin Bieber, you don’t listen to him either?

Frank: Well I don’t.

Nancy: He’s too young. He hasn’t lived enough.

[Usher song playing]

Frank: Is this on the Confessions album?

Kweku: Yeah, Jeff [unclear] this song to more chick on the set.

Frank: That’s other man law stuff that—

Nancy: What is man law? Clear that up for the audience.

Kweku: Don’t wtch the Super Bowl half time show.

Nancy: Oh.

Frank: Man law is when you go into the restroom and to the urinal, there’s only one place you can look.

Nancy: Down.

Frank: Down…

Nancy: Or straight up.

Frank: Or straight ahead. You don’t turn your head—

Kweku: That’s man law.

Frank: You don’t—even if you’re talking to the guy next to you, you don’t look at him.

Nancy: Got it.

Kweku: Yeah.
Frank: That’s an example of a man law.

Kweku: And the conversation had to have started prior to coming into the bathroom. You can’t just look over, hey!

Frank: “How you doing, man? Good to see you.”

Jeff: Deep too.

Frank: Oh boy.

Nancy: Oh my goodness.

Frank: Jeff interjected a little old [unclear] prior.

Nancy: Oh my gracious.

Frank: you got anymore man law?

Kweku: Oh man—

Nancy: Tons of man law. 48 man laws.

Kweku: Yeah, I just came from the meeting last night. So you got some other stuff. [Unclear].

Nancy: A meeting? Do you have a meeting?

Kweku: Oh I got one.

Nancy: Okay.

Frank: Hit it.

Kweku: So you know how we do—we text.

Nancy: Yes.

Kweku: Each other, like one of the man law—this was new from last year. I got to update you. We cannot reply “K.”

Nancy: Oh I don’t like that.

Kweku: Yeah, a man can’t say “K.”

Nancy: Yeah.

Kweku: Like as a response, that’s man law.

Nancy: Yeah. I can appreciate it and the first time I ever got “K” from anyone was actually from a man.

Kweku: Oh man law.

Nancy: And I was just like yow.

Kweku: He didn’t make that meeting.

Nancy: Yeah. They do.

Frank: Unintroduced guest, you got anything on man law?

Guest: No, but I did want to talk about texting since you mentioned men at texting because that comes out a lot in my [unclear].

Frank: Excuse me. Let’s be clear.

Nancy: Don’t text the flowers—

Frank: I got the show.

Nancy: Okay.

Guest: Sorry.

Frank: I got an idea.

Kweku: Let me—hold on…

Frank: Let’s talk about texting.

Kweku: Let me clear about it really quick.

Jeff: He has issues.

Kweku: Frank takes—

Nancy: He doesn’t want to be the start but he’s the star.

Kweku: Frank text me “We’re going to meet such and such, time, and such as such place.” I reply “K.”

Nancy: Wrong.

Kweku: Which is man law, that’s wrong. Okay.

Guest: Okay. I’ve seen “K” and it was from man I have not seen “K” just anywhere else.

Kweku: He just didn’t get the email, that’s okay.

Nancy: Ain’t that funny?

Kweku: Women along—

Nancy: Women provide more complete responses.

Guest: But men seem to love to text and women don’t like it as much, I mean from the men that they haven’t even met yet.

Kweku: Listen, I will tell you—

Nancy: From a man you haven’t met?

Frank: I don’t agree.

Guest: Yes, men that you meet online…

Nancy: Well you know what, that’s the venue though.

Guest: Yes.

Kweku: This is simple.

Guest: But a call works better.

Kweku: Texting?

Nancy: No, texting is not just simple, texting is immediate and it’s less—I don’t want to say confrontational but that’s the only word that comes to my—

Kweku: It would actually be more confrontational.

Nancy: —mind than a phone call. It’s less personal.

Guest: Yes.

Nancy: It can be atleast depending on the level of relationship two people have less intimate.

Kweku: Absolutely.

Nancy: So, it’s no wonder that—especially when you meet someone online.

Guest: Yes.

Nancy: You’re going to play in that arena for a while until—

Guest: But some of them want to have whole conversations.

Kweku: As they should.

[Cross talking]

Nancy: Whole conversation?

Guest: So what happened to calling? I tell my ladies ask them to call you. If he’s asking you all these questions through text, just say—

Kweku: I think it’s great that you tell her that.

Guest: —“Oh call me to find out” or “We can talk later.”

Nancy: No, no, no.

Guest: Yes. He’ll be trying to text you the whole day.

Nancy: I’m not disagreeing with you. I am agreeing with you.

Guest: Got it, got it.

Nancy: And I’m agreeing with you out of having had—

Guest: Tell them to call you, they will.

Nancy: —direct experience with that? and I wouldn’t even say—‘cause I’m a little sadistic I think sometimes—I wouldn’t even say, “Well if you want to know more about this, give me a call” I would simply gracefully no longer make myself available in the text.

Guest: Oh. So silence? Crickets?

Kweku: That’s what you should do.

Nancy: Just like somebody’s at my desk, I got to catch up with you later maybe we can talk later tonight.

Guest: Yes.

Nancy: Because it does sound—it is an interesting—

Guest: Talk later tonight… Call me. You still have to say “call me” because he’ll start texting you later tonight.

Nancy: But you know, I just… I have to say now you got more experience in this than I do and yet I feel that if a man wants to talk to you, he is going to call you.

Guest: You would think that although today, texting does seem to be…

Nancy: It does predominantly to communication landscape.

Frank: I completely disagree. Like the whole premise of what you’ll are talking about, I don’t agree.

Nancy: Well what do you have to say about it?

Frank: That men like to ignore direct communication with women and text them.

Nancy: Wait a minute. No, no, no. I didn’t say that. See, you made that up.

Frank: Okay.

Nancy: You did the conversation we’re having.

Frank: Okay well—

Nancy: That’s the conversation you’re having.

Frank: I’m not even talking about what you said. I’m talking about what the unintroduced guest said.

Nancy: Oh woah.

Frank: So how are you going to clarify what she said with what you’re saying?

Guest: I said is that men are doing a lot more texting these days and women don’t like it.

Frank: That’ what I’m—

Kweku: What not? The text—

Guest: They would prefer a call or get in person, a meeting, yes.

Kweku: So that’s what you get from the women that they prefer—

Guest: Yes, why is he texting so much? Why is he trying to have a whole conversation via text?

Kweku: Do they address that with the guy?

Guest: How do I get him to call me? These are the questions that I’m getting.

Kweku: Okay.

Guest: Yes.

Frank: But you’re not even saying it from a dating perspective although you did veer into dating a bit. But what you just said was a man-woman thing.

Kweku: You mean from like during the courting process?

Nancy: You mean you’re going to call each other?

Guest: They haven’t started courting because they haven’t even met yet. This is just someone they started talking to, usually from online. So yes, it is dating. They’re trying to date.

Nancy: Well until the guy says “You wanna go out?” I don’t think they’re really any rules you’re not invested.

Guest: You shouldn’t be invested, I agree.

Nancy: Yeah, so who cares if he texting or calling you?

Kweku: Texting has empowered men.

Guest: I always tell them—

Nancy: Responding?

[Cross talking]

Kweku: Let me tell you why. Some men are better at one on one communication phone calls, meeting, approaching.

Nancy: Yes.

Kweku: Texting is like a weapon. It’s like I can text everything that’s on my mind that I would typically say to a woman—

Nancy: Or not say to her face.

Kweku: Or not say to her face.

Nancy: Right.

Kweku: As long as I got [unclear] I might be breaking man law right here. I mean, you can text your way into anything.

Nancy: Yes.

Kweku: Anybody. But is it good?

Frank: Okay, that could be bad evidence. You said—

Kweku: Absolutely.

Frank: Okay.

Kweku: I’m just telling you that’s just the fact. I mean, you know.

Frank: So you agree men like to text more than talk to women?

Kweku: I never said that. I just tell it’s a tool to do something that some men normally wouldn’t be comfortable doing.

Nancy: This is true.

Kweku: As it relates to—

Nancy: That’s accurate.

Kweku: —interacting. People in general. I mean [unclear] kids don’t talk in the phone anymore—

Nancy: Oh my gosh. They’ll sit right next to each other and be texting.

Frank: I think that’s true.

Nancy: Each other.

Kweku: No, it’s—

Guest: My husband does that. He’ll send me a text or [unclear] at home.

Kweku: So I mean we all do it.

Guest: Kisses or something sweet.

Kweku: Yeah.

[Cross talking]

Frank: You can’t even—you ruin the conversation. [Unclear]. Jumping in like yeah, [unclear].

[Cross talking]

Kweku: But a lot of men who prefer to text as opposed—not necessarily prefer but it’s easy for them to text as opposed to “Hey how you doing?”

Guest: Well we think they’re texting a couple of women at the same time.

Kweku: Yeah, group texting.

Guest: Yes, like you said multitasking. And that’s okay, I’m not saying that there’s something wrong with that part.

Frank: Oh you’re not saying—

Guest: No, because they’re not in a relationship yet or anything. They’re both getting to know other people I’m sure so he can be texting five other women that’s okay.

Frank: Okay.

Nancy: Back in the day, it was calling.

Guest: Yes. Calling is [unclear].

Nancy: So how do we get him?

Frank: Let me introduce.

Kweku: Yeah Frank, who are we talking to in the first place?

Frank: Alright, alright.

Guest: I was going to talk about Underground. Did you guys see Underground last night?

Frank: No but I read a review that said it was great.

Guest: I loved it.

Kweku: I’m having issues speaking to someone who I don’t know.

Frank: Oh okay. Alright, alright.

Today’s guest has been held by Ebony Magazine as one of the top matchmakers in the country. Women who’ve succeed in their careers are often frustrated by not finding the same success in relationships. Frustrated that is until they meet her. She’s created several successful dating programs such as her Married in Two Years or Less Program and meeting Mr. Right groups. She has four groups, four books that are available on Amazon and Kindle and is responsible for several marriages and long term relationships.

So, if you want to know how to meet Mr. Right, how to get to exclusivity and what it means to get to know yourself, then stay tuned as your Frank Relationships team talks about a very unique trail to becoming married with none other than Kiki Strickland. Welcome to the show, Kiki.

Kiki: Thank you. Glad to be here.

Frank: Alright. Who wants to ask it, come on. Somebody?

Nancy: Oh.

Frank: Yes.

Nancy: The question?

Frank: What’s the question?

Nancy: The question is what advice do you have for a married couple—

Frank: That’s 25.

Nancy: That’s 25—a 25 year old married couple who has a baby due in 2 months?

Kiki: And they’re only 25.

Nancy: Only 25.

Kiki: But they are married, okay.

Nancy: And they are married.

Frank: You like that married part?

Kiki: That’s awesome. Yes.

Frank: Okay.

Kiki: I’m sure they’re very excited, they’re doing a lot of preparation for the baby coming in the next two months.

Frank: Are you saying excitement is synonymous with being scared?

Kiki: They probably have a few fears and a little bit of anxiety as well. My advice to them even though I am not a parent yet but I am married and I know that bringing a baby into the equation is very stressful, I would advise them to make sure that they don’t lose sight of each other and their love for each other. Because I know when the baby comes, when children start coming in, you get more focused on the children. You know there’s a lot that you have to do for the kids, your life totally changes but we don’t want a married couple to suddenly forget about each other.

You still got to make time for date nights, you still got to make time for sex. I know that you’re not going to get much sleep once the baby comes but schedule that time in together, make sure you still have some alone time together if you have to have your mother-in-law come over to take the baby for a day or whatever needs to happen.

Frank: Can your mother-in-law come over and watch the baby while you have sex?

Kweku: That’s a win-win.

Nancy: Unbelievable.

Kiki Whatever needs to happen, don’t forget each other.

Frank: Okay. Alright, so where’d your journey start?

Kiki: So I started working with singles in 2006. I was—

Frank: When what had occurred?

Kiki: I was in between jobs…

Frank: Okay.

Kiki: …and I was on unemployment. And the unemployment office actually sent me a letter, they were doing a joint program with WEB, the Women Entrepreneurs of Baltimore.

Nancy: Of Baltimore. Yeah, yeah.

Kiki: Great program, awesome.

Frank: Why did you know that, Nancy?

Nancy: I used to be a board member, Frank.

Kiki: Oh my goodness, you’re in the board of WEB.

Frank: What?

Nancy: Watch yourself.

Kiki: Awesome. I have only good things to say about WEB. They sent out a letter because they were doing a program for people who are currently unemployed. That was an 8-week business program. They were accepting proposals and what they said in that letter was “Think of something that you’re already doing for free”—

Nancy: Okay.

Kiki: “—that you could possibly turn into business.”

Frank: And you were doing this with your girlfriends? Your church members?

Kiki: I have always tried to hook people up—I thought everybody did that.

Nancy: Interesting.

Kiki: Yeah, matchmaking, setting people up.

Nancy: Okay.

Kiki: Don’t you want to meet my friend who’s single—

Frank: Were you catching shade from folks because you were—

Kiki: No, people loved that.

Frank: Okay.

Nancy: Okay.

Kiki: Most women will accept a hook-up, an introduction.

Kweku: Really?

Kiki: Yes.

Frank: A hook-up or what?

Kiki: Men—a man. An introduction [unclear]. Men are not as open to meeting someone that you want them to meet but women are totally open. Yes, so anyway I was already doing that—

Frank: Now if women are meeting men, how does that work if the man isn’t that open to it and–?

Kiki: Yeah, that’s why you don’t take on women as matchmaking clients, does not work as well. My—

Frank: Explain.

Kiki: —matchmaking clients are men.

Frank: Okay.

Kiki: So I can find them a hundred matches. But if I try to take on—and I did it one time and quickly learned that was not going to work. If I try to take on a female as a matchmaking client, it does not flow as well because like I said, men are not as open. If the man’s my client, I could see a woman in the mall, I can see a woman anywhere. I walk up to her and say “Hey, I’m a matchmaker. This guy that I’d like you to meet, he’s this, he’s that, he looks like this.” “Sure I’d love to meet him.” She’s open. Do the same thing with the men, they’re like “What’s wrong with her? Is she crazy?”

Frank: Really?

Kiki: “What does she look like? What’s her issues?”

Frank: So you walk up to a guy and said that?

Kiki: Yeah.

Frank: He would—

Kiki: He’s not having it.

Frank: What you think Kweku?

Kweku: I just got really confused.

Frank: Yeah.

Kiki: Sorry.

Kweku: Men to men are [unclear] matchmaker class.

Kiki: Yes, I’m dating coach.

Frank: For women?

Kiki: Primarily.

Frank: And a matchmaker for men?

Kiki: Yes, I still take on men for matchmaking.

Frank: Okay.

Kiki: But they need dating coaching too.

[Cross talking]

Kiki: Most of the time men are not as open…

Frank: Okay.

Nancy: Unless [unclear] serious.

Frank: You here that? That was beautiful. I said they don’t want to hear what you have to say. She said they’re not as open.

Kiki: Yes.

Frank: That was so…

Nancy: Smooth.

Frank: …perfectly… and you ran away from what was Frank was saying at the time like—

Nancy: What was I going to say?

Frank: —I’m not going to touch that and you said just that was nice.

Kiki: Yes.

Frank: Okay. Alright. I can learn something from you. You tone that down very well. Thank you.

Kiki: Thank you. So I did the program, I got accepted into the program with WEB.

Nancy: Nice.

Kiki: It was awesome. They really kicked off my business. I had to get my first client, I ahd to open my business bank account. Everything started then.

Nancy: Okay, okay.

Kiki: So that’s how I got started. Now I got into coaching because as we were talking about matchmaking, I realized that setting up two people was not enough in some cases even if the two people liked each other? They weren’t able to make the relationship work. So when I heard about life coaching and coaching, got really excited because that’s when you starting with the individuals on their relationship skills, their dating skills, learn how to communicate with the opposite sex—that type of thing.

So coaching has been wonderful.

Kweku: Can you give us—for me, I’m [unclear].

Frank: I am.

Kweku: Give me—

Nancy: Here we go.

Frank: I don’t know about Nancy. I can’t speak to that.

Nancy: Oh man.

Kweku: [Unclear] you messed with her long enough like real quick. What is your process? Like give me three steps, like…

Kiki: Okay so now…

Frank: Wait did you—you realize we’re building up to that? You’re asking her to give away the end of the book.

Kiki: But that’s okay. No. Now I work primarily with females—

Nancy: Okay.

Kiki: —and the area of dating coaching.

Kweku: Got ya.

Kiki: Because that’s when we’re able to sit down, work out what has gone on in the past, why the relationships have not worked out, what are you currently doing to meet men, do you know how to date? Because some women come to me and they have not even been out on a date in several years. Men come too and haven’t been out.

Frank: Does that mean they don’t know how to date? Or they just haven’t been on a date? They don’t want to date.

Kiki: Sometimes it can be both.

Frank: Okay.

Kiki: Sometimes, they are not in a place where they even know how to meet men. Sometimes they might be actually even getting dates only first dates though. The guys are not asking them for a second date.

Frank: Is it possible [unclear?

Kiki: So there’s something going on there. Yes!

Frank: Okay.

Kiki: That’s—

Nancy: You say that like there’s a primary, my god…

Kiki: One of my books I actually mentioned that because whether it’s on first dates and make love—

Nancy: The breath issue?

Kiki: Yes. Oh my goodness.

Frank: Which book is that?

Nancy: Ladies, clean up your diet.

Kiki: [Unclear] first dates, how to make sure your first date isn’t [unclear] but it’s actually true.

Nancy: Oh my gosh.

Kiki: Small things. Sometimes we mess the small things and you’re being evaluated on a date. The men are evaluating you, you’re evaluating him too. But yeah, I’m sure you’ve even heard a lady say “Oh his breath—when I go in—”

Frank: I thought she was going to say “I’m sure you’ve gone on a date with your breath stick, Nancy.”

Kiki: You have some gum, a mint. Keep them in your purse.

Nancy: Let me assure you that that has never been an issue. Oh my gracious.

Kweku: So can we do like a coach matchmaking practice here?

Nancy: Let’s do that.

Kiki: You said what?

Nancy: A mock [unclear].

Kiki: It’s funny you mentioned “mock” because I do mock dates. Remember when I said sometimes a lady has not been out in a while? So we have a little practice date.

Kweku: With whom?

Kiki: A man who’s single, who can give—

Kweku: So is he potential?

Kiki: Yes.

Kweku: So that’s not a mock.

Kiki: Single and looking. It’s a mock because I’ve set it up. They may not be attracted to each other at all..

Frank: But you set up people in the past. That’s not mock.

Kiki: This is just—but this is just a mock date where we can get some feedback from the man on how the woman is as a date.

Kweku: Okay.

Kiki: Because she might be doing something, and usually that is the case.

Kweku: Okay.

Kiki: That is turning the men off and that’s why she’s not getting to second dates.

Kweku: That seems so complicated.

Frank: In fact, building on just that.

Kiki: Dating is kind off complicated. Relationships are complicated.

Frank: You said, teaching people how to make—they are not able to make the relationship work.

Kiki: Yes.

Frank: But the thing is, if a relationship—what happens—it sounds like a good relationship—

Kiki: I’m talking about two people that actually do like each other and would like the relationship to work. Because sometimes you know, you’re dating somebody and you just decide that’s not the right person and then you move on. But if you actually both are attracted to each other, they thought they were a match, all of a sudden, they’re not a match. What happened? And when I go back and look at things, things happen because people don’t have the skills to make relationships work.

Frank: Like what?

Kiki: Communication is the main one.

Kweku: Like text?

Kiki: People have different expectations, they don’t know how to manage those. [Unclear] fantasy world…

Nancy: Well when is it not in the case between people?

Frank: People in general just dating.

Kiki: When it doesn’t work, usually there—

Nancy: No, but I’m saying people… come on now, this is generational—my grandparents were married for 37 ½ years. My parents were married—

Kiki: Yes, that’s awesome and they were obviously doing something right because they made it that long.

Nancy: But what I’m saying is this is generations of people who met people sustained relationships long enough to say “You know what? I think that we can make this thing work together, let’s do it and they got married. So…

Kiki: And they made it work.

Nancy: And you had the strong and not so strong silent types and you had—marrying gregarious women and you had—all kinds of crazy pairings but these people made lives together.

Kiki: Exactly.

Nancy: So what is this thing that you’re telling me that—

Kiki: That people aren’t doing that. People don’t know how to do just that.

Nancy: Really?

Frank: I think the right people when they connect—

Nancy: So this is not organic, you’re telling me. This is not a natural part of the human process to be able to make a relationship with another human being if that is in fact your intention.

Kiki: I think people need to be taught the skills.

Frank: Nancy, calm down. She [unclear].

Kiki: We’re not taught how to date.

Frank: Nancy getting worked up.

Nancy: They call it down.

Kiki: We are not taught how to make a relationship work and I think that’s one of the reasons why we have such a high divorce rate these days and people don’t know.

Frank: Okay, you said communication. That’s one of those—that’s—

Kiki: Basic.

Frank: Yeah, that’s an easy answer. I want more specific.

Kiki: Men and women have a problem with their communication skills.

Frank: Like? Give me something. I mean where—

Kiki: Like event he way you communicate what you want.

Nancy: Somebody ain’t telling the truth.

Kiki: That can be.

Nancy: That’s where the communication problem is. Somebody ain’t telling the truth.

Frank: I mean but people been lying for eternity.

Nancy: For eternity, precisely.

Frank: So? What’s—

Nancy: Yeah, now—

Kiki: The ones—

Nancy: Let me let you have the floor because this can turn into a whole crazy thing. I was just going to say…

Frank: Yeah, yeah.

Nancy: No.

Frank: Make me let you have the floor but what I was going to say was—hold on, hold on before I give you the floor, let me say what I want to say. It’s all yours.

Nancy: See I lost it now. No, go for it, Kiki. Please seriously, go.

Kiki: Have you guys heard of the five love languages?

Nancy: Yes!

Frank: Of course. We had the author on the show.

Kiki: Oh my goodness. I’m sure it was phenomenal.

Frank: Wait, wait. Pause. We had the author on the show. If you want to hear that show, go to the website. Type in “Gary Chapman” in the archives and listen to the show. Okay—

Kiki: Let’s do that too because I love him. And that’s one of the things that I share with my client that they should read that book because if you don’t know the person that you’re trying to make this relationship work where his love language, you guys are going to be—

Nancy: Clash.

Kiki: —missing each other. Even in my own marriage, I finally realized my husband’s love language is acts of service.

Nancy: Dang.

Kiki: So funny because—let me give you an example of Mother’s Day last year. We were going to visit his parents for Mother’s Day in North Carolina. I wanted to get her a gift. But I meant an actual physical thing to hand her.

Nancy: Yes.

Kiki: And so I went ahead because we argued about it a little bit and he said, “Well let’s just cook her a nice breakfast.” And I’m thinking “Breakfast?”

Frank: What are you arguing [unclear]? Why don’t you just do what he told you to do?

Kiki: That’s not a gift. Cooking her breakfast is not a gift.

Nancy: She wants the relationship to last.

Kiki: But she—well I said “Are you—“ we weren’t exactly arguing but we were having a discussion about what to get her.

Nancy: Okay.

Kiki: And I was thinking that that wasn’t a gift but because his love language is acts of service, and I think hers is too because when we did cook the breakfast for her, she talked for days about how wonderful it is that we fed her and we had the table looking all pretty—

Nancy: This was his mom?

Kiki: Yes.

Nancy: That’s where he got it from.

Kiki: But for me, that wasn’t a gift.

Nancy: Got it.

Frank: What was that for you? Slavery?

Kiki: That was just making breakfast.

Frank: Okay.

Kiki: But we had to figure out what the other person needs and wants. It’s different from what you need and want. The way that I receive love is not the same way that he receives and gives love. So that has caused many problems in relationships because people don’t understand that.

Nancy: Kiki, what’s your love language?

Kiki: Mine is actually words of affirmation.

Nancy: Okay. And so—

Kiki: If he says something like “That was a great meal,” “You look beautiful today,” “I just love how you do something or how you look” I am just on cloud nine.

Frank: Nice.

Nancy: Okay.

Frank: And does he—

Kiki: But for him, he probably wants me to serve. When he tries to do a romantic evening, he puts me in the bathtub because he knows I like long hot baths, he brings my dinner to me, he’ll bring my favourite drink which is a buttery nipple…

Frank: And are you saying that don’t mean a dang good thing to you?

Kiki: I didn’t realize that that was really his way of showing me love.

Frank: What did you think he was doing it for? Running your bath water, bringing you—

Kiki: I thought that was sweet.

Frank: —buttery nipples.

Kiki: And now I realize…

Nancy: Bringing you buttery nipples… We won’t go any further with that.

Kiki: Yes, my favourite drink is a buttery nipple. Yes. But so now I needed to start reciprocating that way because now I understand that’s how he receives love. These acts of service are things that I start doing for him.

Frank: You answered me but I didn’t digest it. What did you think he was doing that for?

Kiki: I thought he was just being sweet. I liked it, I just didn’t—

Kweku: He was blowing her hair back.

Nancy: No he wasn’t.

Kiki: He wasn’t because I wasn’t thinking that much of it, really.

Kweku: No, he was making a tip.

Kiki: I was like “Oh thanks.” But yeah, he was trying to be romantic because that’s his way of love.

Nancy: He was only blowing her hair back when he picks up the phone and says “How is the most beautiful girl in the world?” That would blow her hair back.

Kiki: Exactly. That would’ve done it. Just saying that.

Kweku: How does this become not so… like non-organic or it just seems so robotic as you go through like the process?

Kiki: It’s really not robotic. When I’m meeting with my clients and we’re through things that have happened and what they want out of their relationship, what they need for the relationship to work, THAT part is organic. It’s coming from them… but sometimes I have to get through the layers. Sometimes we think we want one thing—

Frank: The stuff.

Kiki: Yes. Like women come to me and say “He has to be over 6 feet and he has to look like this…”

Kweku: You hear that Frank? That’s always first, bro.

Kiki: he has to have an advanced degree… But then when we get down to it, when we start peeling back those layers, those he really have to have an advanced degree? What you really mean is you want someone that you can have—

Frank: Intelligent conversations.

Kiki: Yes! Mental—

Kweku: Exactly but he does have to be over 6 feet.

Kiki: But no. And then… she’s only 5’2. He doesn’t have to be 6 feet.

Frank: Excuse me. Let me just interject these two special letters. FU.

Kiki: Okay.

Frank: And that—

Kiki: But that was the kind of things I’m dealing with in the beginning.

F: Well that stands for Forget You.

Nancy: Frank.

Kiki: Okay, good. Thank you, thank you.

Frank: That’s for you, Kweku.

Nancy: Oh my gosh.

Kiki: But that’s what we’re dealing with in the beginning… and that’s great. My husband is 5’10”.

Kweku: Sorry to hear that.

Frank: I’m tall. I’m 5’10 1.2”.

Kiki: I’m 5’2”.

Nancy: So he’s a giant.

Kiki: So 5’10” is a lot taller than me. And so, but that’s what I have to break through with the ladies. first they’re coming with these fantasies in their head of what the guy should look like and what the guy should do as far as occupation.

Frank: How do you convince them that that’s not really what you—

Kiki: When we start really getting down to what you need, the qualities that you want in a mate, what you really want your husband to be about, then they start saying “Okay, he doesn’t have to look like Morris Chestnut.”

Kweku: So preference is bad?

Kiki: Preference is okay but be open to other types as well. He may not look like you fantasized but is he a decent man that has the qualities that you’re looking for? Does he treat you well? Is he going to make a good husband and father? That should be more important than does he look like Morris Chestnut or Shemar Moore or Idris Elba.

Frank: I heard that. You got something on that. Idris Elba is right.

Kiki: A lot of times women are still single because they are waiting for the fantasy guy and they don’t realize he’s not coming. You’re waiting for Idris Elba.

Frank: Hold on. Why isn’t he coming?

Kweku: Oh god. He’s just encouraging him to [unclear].

Kiki: Well what should have said is—

Nancy: No…

Kiki: —he might have already come but didn’t look like Idris Elba.

Frank: Okay.

Nancy: So you’re saying—

Kiki: So you got to recognize it.

Nancy: — that they don’t have… discernment, so to speak? That there’s—

Kiki: They’re looking for the wrong thing in some cases.

Nancy: yeah but you kind of socialize to believe that you should be looking for a prince charming.

Kiki: Yes. And he might be a prince charming.

Nancy: He may look a particular way—

Kiki: But he might not look that particular way.

Kweku: So you’re coaching him—

Nancy: Basically, they peel back the layers…

Kweku: No, no to recognize a prince charming, is actually or going to be this way.

Nancy: Look like a frog.

Kiki: Prince charming on the inside, the real prince.

Nancy: You’re suggesting that women look for the relationship they want and not necessarily the man.

Kweku: But it’ll still be true.

Nancy: The man and the relationship may not necessarily come in the same package.

Kiki: The packaging, yes.

Frank: The man and the relationship.

Nancy: Right. You can be with the man you want, you think you want, but he may not give you the quality of relationship that you’re after. That is absolutely true. That is absolutely real possible and happens. And women I suspect linger in relationships—

Kiki: Too long.

Nancy: —because they have the man but the quality of relationship is just not that there. and so it’s difficult to navigate that thing psychologically and emotionally.

Kiki: And you try about too long. That’s why my program is called “Married in 2 Years or Less.”

Nancy: Because when Frank said 2 years [unclear].

Kiki: Because if it’s over two years and there’s no ring coming? Time to move on.

Nancy: Exactly.

Kiki: You got to atleast start seeing other people.

Nancy: Start?

Kiki: But you might want to just say good bye.

Nancy: You can stop me and I’m going to tell you get the request.

Kiki: If you’ve been dating someone exclusively for 2 years—

Nancy: How do you know you’re dating somebody exclusively?

Kiki: You don’t know until the two of you have had a conversation about it.

Frank: You still don’t know?

Kiki: I wouldn’t say [unclear]. Yeah, if he’s telling you that he wants to be exclusive with you, I would believe him. You’re saying he might be lying and still be seeing other people.

Frank: She would be lying.

Kweku: She might be lying.

Frank: Right.

Nancy: No, no.

Kiki: No, whole other story.

Nancy: No you’re saying that if he says wants to be exclusive with you, would you atleast know is. He doesn’t want you seeing anybody but him. It doesn’t mean he’s exclusive with you.

Kiki: Exactly.

Nancy: But he does mean you mean enough to him that he doesn’t want to see you with someone else.

Kiki: Yes.

Nancy: Got it.

Frank: We’re talking with super duper matchmaker and dating coach, Kiki Strickland. Ladies, she can get you married in 2 years or less. Kiki, please tell our listeners how they can find you and your services.

Kiki: Great. They can find me at KikiStrickland.com.

Frank: And in order to engage you and work with you, procure your services, you’re in the DC area right?

Kiki: Yes.

Frank: Do you need to be in the DC area?

Kiki: You don’t. I do have a virtual program to Married in 2 Years or Less. Program can be virtual if you are in a different state. I do have clients who are all over. Being in the DC area, there are advantages of course because you can come to Flirt Night. We do flirt nights where we practice being approachable and having a conversation with men we don’t know, making eye contact, smiling…

Kweku: Where is that? I won’t miss that.

Kiki: Men do join us for that because sometimes they need a little help flirting as well.

Frank: Multi-flirting.

Nancy: Are you even available?

Frank: Leave him alone.

Nancy: That’s why he’s defending this fool.

Kiki: That is a shame but yes, we do allow men to come but sometimes the men do need the practice as well. So join us. We have it every Friday.

Kweku: What do you say Frank?

Nancy: Every Friday?

Frank: Let’s do this.

Kiki: Every Friday, sometimes we even have it on a Saturday. It’s usually down in the China Town area but we have been getting request for other areas, Northern Virginia, Baltimore. We did one in Columbia last Friday. So…

Frank: How did it go?

Kiki: Great.

Kweku: Good.

Kiki: A guy actually came for that.

Nancy: Wait a minute. So usually it’s just—

Kiki: We don’t take more than 6 people for.

Nancy: —women?

Kiki: Yes. It’s usually women because the women need help becoming more approachable. A lot of times women want to meet somebody—the men that are there. We go to popular venues—yes, where there are a lot of men.

Kweku: Oh I thought to say what a lucky guy is he [unclear]. So we got one guy coming up.

Kiki: No, no. The men is practicing flirting with women, the women that are there and women that just happen to be in the venue because there are very popular venues where there’s black people.

Nancy: So are both men and the women learning this art? Or?

Kiki: Yes. Men need help too with flirting sometimes.

Nancy: So when you say post an event, it’s for men and women? It’s not just women come on out, we’re going to be over at the Columbia—

Kiki: I had mainly focused on women but ikept getting requests from men.

Nancy: Sure.

Kiki: Do you allow men to come with you, have a flirt night for men? Can I attend this? So now I have opened it up for both sexes.

Frank: You just say, “Alright you come on.”

Nancy: So alright. So what percentage of—

Kiki: You can, you can come.

Nancy: So you have these events where people have an opportunity to meet, connect, hook up, whatever you want to call it. So…

Kiki: I don’t do like speed dating events although I’ve gotten many requests for that.

Nancy: Okay.

Kiki: And I will post other’s speed dating events.

Nancy: Okay so do you track your progress? Can you tell me what percentage of the people you actually work with are married in two years or less?

Kiki: I had two marriages last year alone and I already have one client engaged now. The funny thing about that though, we just started working together in September of last year and she’s already engaged. But I think it’s too soon. I do believe that you should know the person for atleast a year before you commit to marrying them.

Nancy: Okay.

Kiki: They have gone ahead and gotten engaged though and they are planning for a late fall early winter wedding. He wanted to get married this spring, which would have been less than 6 months and I don’t agree with that.

Nancy: Okay.

Kiki: Because I think that—

Nancy: Red flag.

Kiki: —you still have to get to KNOW the person and meet their family and friends.

Nancy: She hasn’t met his family and he asked her to marry her?

Kiki: They have now. In fact they did that during the Christmas break. They moved very fast but they have both been married before 25 years, they both lost their spouses.

All: Oh wow.

Kiki: They’re widower and a widow.

Kweku: They were both born like 24, 25 years?

Kiki: Yes, to different people who passed away.

Nancy: Wow.

Kiki: So they’re in their 50s. Oh yes, late 50s, they know what they’re looking for…

Nancy: Okay.

Kiki: The parents, yeah.

Frank: Right, that’s the whole—

[Cross talking]

Kiki: Yes.

Nancy: The children—

Kiki: Right.

Kiki: Back to your question… So sometimes if people have just come to one of my events like the Flirt Nights, I might not be able to track their progress. My clients are the only progress—

Nancy: No, that’s what I’m saying, your clients. Just what you can track.

Kiki: Yes. So I would say—

Nancy: What’s the success [unclear]?

Kiki: I’ve had about seven marriages.

Nancy: Out of?
Kweku: Excellent.

Kiki: Oh that’s a good question.

Nancy: Yeah I’m looking for percentage because I’m a number [unclear].

Frank: You serious? Nancy is digging.

Nancy: Let me just say to you—it is for transparency. In the interest of transparency, Frank says to me last week, “Oh by the way, we’re talking to a lady next week who can get you married in 2 years.” I said, “Frank I could get myself married in 2 years.” That’s what I said.

Kweku: You can get yourself married in a day.

Nancy: So…

Kiki: Well a lot of women are telling me they can’t even find a man to date.

Nancy: What?

Kiki: That they actually want to date.

Kweku: I’d like to see some profile picture of these women.

Nancy: And I have turned that over in my mind since I said it that maybe I was being a little unfair to you and I was looking forward to dialoguing with you to see what the 2 whole years. So you need a year to find out if he’s even somebody you want to marry and then you need a year to plan this outrageous wedding.

Kiki: That would be my recommendation to not get married to him within the same year that you met him.

Nancy: Got it.

Kiki: Yes. But it’s a different process for each person of course. Hers moved very quickly but like I said, they were in a different place, they already knew how to make a relationship work, very successful in their prior marriages. Yes, some ladies I work with, we’re starting from scratch. They’ve never even been in a serious relationship despite their age. It’s not about their age, that’s one thing I’ve learned.

Frank: Like what? What kind of age—

Kiki: She could be 40 years old.

Nancy: Never been in a serious relationship?

Kiki: Never been in love and never felt like—

Kweku: Red flag.

Kiki: There usually are issues there but we have to work through those.

Nancy: But often times atleast theoretically I want to think that these are often women who have focused on their professional lives.

Kiki: Their careers, exactly. And they’re at the top as far as their careers. Their finances are altogher, they have wonderful houses, everything has gone well..

Nancy: And they’re vulnerable.

Frank: How’d you know they’re vulnerable?

Nancy: Because they don’t have the skill set.

Kweku: And because she’s nice.

Nancy: They don’t have the skill set so they bring in everything to the party—

Kiki: They done everything right as far as their careers and education, but yes they didn’t focus on the relationship part or the marriage part.

Nancy: Right, right.

Kiki: The having children part and now they realize, I don’t have much more time and I need to make this a priority. That’s where I come in. And that’s another reason why I called it 2 years or less because it should not take you forever to find the right fit for you.

Nancy: Oh absolutely not.

Kiki: I was 38 when I finally got serious. I realized in 2 years I’ll be 40. And yes I’ve dated, I’ve had relationships but where’s my husband?

Nancy: Got it.

Kiki: So I had to get more strategic, more purposeful about my own dating.

Nancy: Interesting.

Kiki: And the things I decide to do are also what I teach in my program.

Frank: Okay. I’m curious as how this Flirt Night thing—

Kiki: Oh yes, Flirt Night is—

[Cross talking]

Nancy: The women listening want to know how to get married.

Kweku: I was about to say the same thing.

Frank: You’re standing—

Nancy: I apologize ladies.

Frank: You got 6 women around you—right, right. And you’re telling, “Okay so I want you to go over there and—“

Nancy: Whisper in his ear, ask him to dance, buy him a drink…

Kweku: Get that going [unclear]. Is it like that?

Nancy: No. Kweku.

Kiki: No. Let me tell you how we do Flirt Nights. So for Flirt Nights, first of all once they register, they get my podcast called “The Art of Flirting” where I go over tips on how to relax and be approachable, how to flirt, which to me is just being friendly. A lot of times men tell me women don’t even speak to them.

Frank: That’s—pause. I did a blog years ago, some buddies of mine and I were sitting at a bar, it was a sidewalk bar and a woman walked by and someone said hello hey how you doing and she spoke back.

Kiki: You guys were shocked?

Frank: Wow! We really invited her over and bought her a drink.

Kiki: Yup, there you go.

Frank: They just sat and talked to her. Just sat and talked to her and I did a blog about her.

Kiki: You mean to tell me the average woman doesn’t say hello? Even though ones that want to meet the guy? They’re looking for Mr. Right but they don’t speak.

Nancy: Oh that’s insane.

Frank: So if you want to read that blog, look at the archives—I forgot what it’s called but yeah.

Kiki: I love it. And you invited her over?

Frank: We invited her over—

Kiki: That’s what I talking about.

Frank: —bought her a drink. She sat in the [unclear]. It might have been 8 of us.

Kiki: Eight men?

Nancy: Wow! She had a ball.

Frank: yeah, I mean just friendly.

Kiki: That is flirting at its best.

Kweku: Yeah ‘cause she’s confident.

Nancy: Wait a minute…

Frank: We took her picture and edited it to the blog.

Kiki: Eight men—I love it.

Nancy: Tip no. 1 ladies, and I’ve heard this from men. Men like women who are already happy.

Kiki: Yes, oh yes.

Nancy: Yes they’re not looking for a woman who’s looking for someone to make her happy.

Kiki: Exactly. That’s another thing that we have to deal with. And confident.

Kweku: What you mean, men like [unclear]?

Kiki: No. She said happy, not married.

Nancy: I’d take that back. That was not fair. That is not true that most women are not happy if they’re married. I take that back.

Frank: To check the archives of that show, type in “Yasmine.” Type that in on the website and you’ll find the blog on [unclear].

Kiki: I love it.

Nancy: That was her name?

Frank: That was her name.

Nancy: Wow, hi Yas.

Frank: Yeah, yeah what you up to, Yasmine? You listening to the show?

Nancy: She’s representing.

Frank: Right, right, right.

Kiki: I like Yasmine. She married?

Frank: No she wasn’t at that time, I don’t think.

Kiki: So I was talking about Flirt Nights…

Frank: Yes, yes, yes.

Kiki: We give them a podcast first that they’re supposed to listen to before they even come that night and then—I have a flirting instructor. I don’t do them myself anymore. The flirt instructor will go over the tips while they’re having appetizers or—it’s kind of like a girls’ night out. You’re with the girls talking about dating an flirting then yes, they go out and practice, right and there in that venue. We’re usually in a place where there are several venues right in the same area because one might not have a lot of men there. So then we just go over to another one but they have a task of actually talking to 5 different men that night. Just a conversation, they’re not trying to get numbers, they’re not picking them up—

Frank: Does that mean they can’t give them their number?

Kiki: If they want to, if he asks for it, yes. But, it’s just an exercise in being friendly with men.

Frank: And what happens when she gives 5 different dudes her number in the same bar? Do you look at her like uhhh—

Nancy: No, you call that successful.

Kiki: Yup!

Nancy: Call that successful.

Kiki: Right.

Frank: What you think of the movie “Hitched”?

Kiki: Oh I liked “Hitched.” It was so long ago though.

Frank: It was a while ago.

Kiki: They play it every month on tv but yeah, that was pretty good but he was perceived as a pick-up artist and I do like that in the film he definitely stressed his goal for his clients was not for them to have sex with the one.

I had a guy who came to me recently just this past week who said it happened 15 years since he had been out on a date. Since he moved to this country, he hadn’t been on a date but he was looking just to sleep with women.

Nancy: That’s why he hadn’t been on a date.

Kiki: And that’s not what I’m about. I don’t teach men how to—

Nancy: Wow.

Frank: But you could—

Kiki: Pull women.

Frank: You couldn’t use that as a stepping stone towards—

Kiki: I asked him what his ultimate goal was and if he did want to be married and he said yes. I was going to work with him and tried—

Nancy: “Was.”

Kiki: —to open up his mind like this is the same thing, like I said when women comes, sometimes they have a different agenda, sometimes they think their problem is this when it’s really something else.

Nancy: So was his mind really open?

Kiki: No. He really just—right so… I gave him a refund because that is not what this is about.

Kweku: He tried to blow some hair back.

Nancy: But he does not have the skill set, my friend.

Kweku: Apparently 15 years something was wrong.

Kiki: Yes. There have been some issues there and we didn’t even get to it because his whole focus—he was just so set on the sex part and he didn’t see that it was a problem that he had. I said not even a coffee date. And he said no but one of the things I also realized is that who he was trying to date was not really who is interested in him.

Nancy: Well [unclear].

Kiki: Remember when I talked about Idris Elba and Shemar Moore?

[Cross talking]

Kiki: If you even ran into Idris Elba and Shemar Moore, would they be looking back at you?

Frank: You’re telling that to that guy?

Kiki: That’s what I told to the women sometimes but for the man, the man is looking for a Halle Berry or whoever but she’s not interested in you.

Nancy: He is looking for Halle Berry.

Kiki: Well he was and he was actually looking for…

Nancy: Her younger sister.

Frank: Stop [unclear].

Kiki: Persuasion… White women.

Nancy: That’s cool.

Kiki: in their 20s.

Nancy: He’s looking for women that—

Kiki: But he was not in their age bracket either.

Kweku: What’s wrong?

Nancy: It has to be in his age bracket but he had to be appealing—

Kiki: You know, I’ve probably shared more than I should have so I won’t say any more about—

Nancy: No, no, no.

Kweku: He might be listening.

Nancy: Because these days, people are dating across age, cultural, all kinds of lines.

Kiki: That is true. If it works, yes. If the people in that age bracket are open to you then great. Go for it.

Frank: Did he have money?

Kiki: But they were not open to—

Kweku: He’s just a loser.

Frank: He want marketing right.

Kiki: Wow.

Nancy: No we don’t want to say he was a loser. We’re saying that he was working a needed strategy.

Kiki: Yeah, he needed some work and unfortunately, he did not get it because we are not working together.

Nancy: Let’s talk about the winners at this table.

Frank: There are three things that I told the audience that we were going to touch on—

Nancy: Okay.

Frank: And I’m not sure we nailed them all.

Nancy: Keep your promise. Alright.

Frank: First, how do you meet Mr. Right? I guess one of the answers could be you got to learn how to flirt and—

Nancy: At a Flirt Night.

Kiki: Yes, you do have to learn how to be approachable and how to talk to men. Sometimes women are not comfortable. They have no guy friends or anything so they really don’t know how to relate to men. So we have to work on that first. Usually women tell me “I don’t know WHERE to meet the type of men that I like” so you need to figure that out. I can help them figure that out. Even like with me, when I was 38 and I realize I got 2 years, I don’t want to go into my 40s without being married or atleast engaged. So I thought about where had I been where I liked the men. Meaning places, restaurants, organizations, clubs, everything. By club, I mean associations, groups, organizations.

Frank: Yeah, yeah right.

Kiki: And I remembered an organization that I had gone on a couple of trips with and the men were just really cool, they were fit, they hiked, biked, skied, so I—they were in good shape.

Nancy: Where were these guys?

Kiki: Very professional. Black Ski.

Kweku: I knew you’d say that.

Kiki: It’s been around for 40 years.

Kweku: He probably met my brother.

Kiki: they’re serious skiers. These are not the skiers that just do the little, some performer is going to be at this place and we’re going to go for dating. They’re talking about 7 days in Vale, in Aspen. So and that’s where I met my husband.

Nancy: Really… you guys—

Kiki: I joined that group.

Nancy: I was going to say do you ski now?

Kiki: Got involved, I never went skiing with them.

Nancy: Okay.

Frank: Did you tell him that’s why I joined the group to meet you?

Kiki: I was happy now with the group, I was doing their communications, helping with their newsletters.

Frank: You’re not answering the question.

Kiki: He wasn’t even there when I joined the group. He came shortly after and he came from another ski group, part of the NBS, the National Brotherhood of Skiers. Now he didn’t know why I was there.

Frank: Okay.

Kiki: Nope and I don’t recommend you tell the men.

Frank: But does he know now?

Kiki: Why you’re wherever you’re meeting them. Oh yeah, he knows now. People ask me all the time how I met my husband and yes, we met at the ski group.

Frank: Alright.

Nancy: So wait a minute. But your husband knows now right?

Kiki: Yes.

Nancy: And so he doesn’t take it personally?

Kiki: He swears that I was flirting with him—

Frank: I bet you were.

Kiki: —when really I was just being friendly.

Nancy: No, no, no. What I’m saying is he doesn’t find it problematic that you were in the market for a husband?

Kiki: Not at all.

Nancy: Okay, got it.

Kiki: In fact, he helps me with my business now. He’s a marketer and he has lots of help for me.

Nancy: Oh cool. Nice combo.

Frank: The second question is how to get exclusivity? I told the audience we’re going to give them that.

Kiki: Oh yes. And you did bring that up earlier and you said “How do you know?” and I said “You do have to have a conversation with him about that.” Because what I have seen is a lot of women THINK that they’re exclusive. They think they’re in a relationship and it’s not a relationship at all. And some they’re trying to make happen and you cannot make it happen. He has to do it.

Nancy: What are the clues for—what are some of the primary clues that you can give to women to help them know they are not in a relationship?

Kiki: If it’s sporadic… You hear from him sometimes.

Frank: What if that’s just the nature of the—

Nancy: No such thing, Frank.

Kiki: Sometimes he says he’s going to come, you don’t hear from him again for two weeks.

Nancy: Two weeks?

Kiki: Yes.

Nancy: You don’t hear from him for two weeks?

Kiki: Yes, that happens to women.

Frank: That could be the relationship.

Kiki: Some people come to me and they tell me that “Why is he treating me so bad? What is happening?” and when we really start digging into this relationship how it got started, it’s not even a relationship. This is a woman who’s trying to get a man to like her and he never pursued her. She did all the work. She is trying to get him. It’s not a relationship. He participates sometimes. He has sex with her when he feels like it but that’s it. It’s not a relationship.

Nancy: The laws of nature prevail.

Kiki: So he—you say what can they look for, he should be pursuing you. He should be the one signing up the dates. Atleast calling you to find out when you are available, can you meet with me, can you go out—

Frank: What if he set him up every two weeks?

Kiki: That’s okay. If he’s setting them up every two weeks, he’s still interested.

Nancy: He must be in his residency, in some hospital and working.

Kiki: You go ahead and see other people, don’t focus on him. Yeah, women get too invested too quick into one guy before he’s invested into them. That’s the mistake. Don’t be invested in him until he’s already invested in you.

Nancy: How do you know when he’s invested?

Kiki: You will know because he will be showing you that he has invested I you?

Nancy: How?

Kiki: Like we just said, he is pursuing you, he’s wooing you, he’s setting the dates, he’s treating you like a lady, he’s taking you out, he’s trying to get to know you.

Frank: Look at Nancy’s face.

Kiki: A lot of times, he’s not doing that and you’re trying to pursue him.

Frank: Does that mean you can’t indicate it—demonstrate an over-interest in him?

Kiki: You should not demonstrate an over-interest.

Frank: Nah, I said overt.

Kiki: You should not pursue him.

Frank: What about—that’s not what I said.

Kweku: Disagree.

Kiki: He disagrees [unclear].

Frank: Demonstrate and overt interest.

Nancy: Did your wife pursue you?

Kweku: I’m not married.

Kiki: Oh you’re not married. Okay.

Kweku: I pursued her.

Nancy: There you go.

Kiki: Got it. Good, see?

Kweku: We pursue each other.

Kiki: It’s okay for her to reciprocate AFTER you’ve already shown the interest.

Kweku: I’m so awesome she can’t help it.

Kiki: But later. That’s later.

Nancy: And he’s tall.

Kweku: Yeah, and I’m over 6 feet.

Nancy: Rule no. 1.

Frank: What’s it mean to get to know yourself?

Kiki: Sometimes when ladies come, they don’t even know what they need, what they want. So you do need to connect with who you are, whatever that means. You might need to sit down and write about yourself, how you grew up, what you like now, what you don’t like. I have come across ladies who were still doing stuff that people told them to do. I remember I did a home visit with one lady because I look at their places, if they’re planning to have a guy come over we want to make sure that it’s—

Frank: Clean?

Kiki: Clean is the first one. But I remember I went to one lady’s house, it didn’t look like her at all. It turned out her mama—

Nancy: Decorated her house.

Kiki: yes. Nothing in there was what she wanted. And why is that? You’re a grown woman. Where you live is your abode. That’s your sanctuary. It should be the stuff that you—

Nancy: Reflective.

Kiki: Right. So if you have let anyone else mold your life for you, get out of that and really discover what you want out of life—are you even in the career that you want? Some people are working a job because their parents told them that was the career for them, and they’re not happy.

Nancy: Wow, okay.

Kiki: Find out what makes you happy. We’re talking about being happy in order to be with the person. You can’t be looking for the other person to define you and to show you who you are. You have to already know who you are.

Nancy: Nice.

Kiki: What you need, what you want. That’s really the first step. You don’t have that, you’re not ready for a relationship.

Frank: If they want more steps, they got to get into one of your programs and contact you in—

Kiki: KikiStrickland.com.

Frank: Along today’s journey, we’ve discussed flirting, the five love languages, and how to get to exclusivity. I hope you’ve had as much fun as I’ve had learning about Getting Married in Two Years or Less.

As always, it’s my wish for you to walk away from this conversation with a heaping helping of useful information that I hope you create a relation that’s as loving and accepting as possible.

Let us know what you think of today’s show at facebook.com/relationshipflove, on Twitter at @mrfranklove or at franklove.com. If you’re listening via Blog Talk Radio, make sure you like us there and if via iTunes, make sure you subscribe so that you can receive each week’s show.

This is Frank love.

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