Frank Relationships: Accem Scott, Naturopath

Friday, Mar. 25th 2016 3:56 PM
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We’ve got life coaching from a naturopath, that is not meant for the children, on this edition of Frank Relationships.

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FRANK RELATIONSHIPS: ACCEM SCOTT, NATUROPATH
Guests: Accem Scott
Date: March 25, 2016

Frank: We’ve got life coaching from a naturopath, that is not meant for the children… on this edition of Frank Relationships.

Yep, those are my babies. As always, thanks for getting daddy’s daughter today.

Welcome to Frank Relationships where we provide a candid, fresh and frank look in the relationships with goals of acceptance, respect and flexibility. I’m Frank Love and you can find me, my blog and my various social media incarnations at franklove.com.

You can also find me on ABC’s Good Morning Washington most Friday mornings during the 9 o’ clock hour. If you’re listening to the show on Blog Talk Radio, please follow us and if via iTunes, please subscribe so that you can effortlessly get each show each week.

Also, if you’re enjoying the show and of course you are, please share with your family and/or friends on your favourite social media platform. We are looking to add new friends to our social media family over the course of the next week so please help us, help our community by spreading the word about the show.

Greetings to my co-host, Kweku.

Kweku: Hey, bro.

Frank: How you doing, my friend?

Kweku: I’m good. How are you Frank?

Frank: I’m great. Nancy Goldring, the consummate generalist, what’s up Nancy?

Nancy: Good morning, Frank.

Frank: Kweku, what am I going to start saying about you? I’m constantly saying she’s the consummate generalist. What do we got for you?

Kweku: I don’t know, man. I just—I don’t know… whatever comes. I kind of stopped you from—

Nancy: He likes to be in the moment.

Kweku: I stopped you from saying what you want to say… you know, just be honest in your delivering… [unclear] I’m cool with it.

Nancy: And the rest we’ll take care of it.

Kweku: Everything. I’m going to be alright.

Frank: So I’m going to take the filter off in the week to come.

Kweku: Yeah I just did like soft. Soft was just a problem… you know…

Nancy: It was against man law.

Frank: Yeah, oh, oh… So we’re going to have a recurring man law conversation?

Nancy: Oh we must. We must continue to open this subject.

Kweku: We just broke the rule of man law because Nancy has no input on it. [Unclear.]

Nancy: But I’ll support it.

Kweku: No, we don’t need your support. It’s not required. It’s not in the by-laws.

Nancy: It’s not in the by-laws.

Kweku: In fact, for your [unclear]

Frank: Specifically written so that she doesn’t get it. like your lack of input is in the by-laws, like you cannot talk. It’s in the by-laws.

Kweku: Exactly. Get your own laws.

Nancy: I am shutting down.

Frank: I do not believe that.

Nancy: Maybe I’ll just chill outside until the man law segment is [unclear.] To our unintroduced guest, who is also a man, are you in on the man law campaign?

Guest: I’m just listening to you. [Unclear]. [Unclear] she does have a little bit of input, she’s learning it as she goes along and hopefully, you know… we’ll see how much she learns.

Nancy: Thank you, sir.

Frank: It’s also worth noting that there’s another chair available here in the studio now and actually we had additional co-host lined up today to join us but she backed out at the last minute.

Nancy: Dang.

Frank: For those of you listening, the team and I have talked and determined we wanted a different guest co-host to join us each week so if you’re in the Washington D.C. area or travelling in the area and want to join us in the studio, when given Thursday morning when we record, email me at franklove.com and let me know you want to join us. We’ll see what you got to say.

Nancy: Awesome. Okay.

Frank: Today’s guest is a naturopath and practitioner of Chinese medicine. He’s the author of American Barefoot Doctor’s Manual, a text that was developed to share the experiences and wisdom that many citizens in mid-century China acquired and shared as they sought to prevent and treat diseases. AND, I’m warned that this interview is not for the children.

So, if you, like me want to know what Chinese patent medicines are, about the usefulness of homeopathics and what a flower essence is, then stay tuned as your Frank Relationships Team talks with Accem Scott.

Welcome to the show, Accem.

Accem: Well thank you. It’s a pleasure being here. I can see this is going to be a very exciting interview.

Frank: We’ll try.

Nancy: Indeed.

Frank: Accem, before we get deep into your interview, I want to check in on the news with everyone to see if there’s anything going on the world of relationships. Anybody got anything? Including you, Accem. Alright—

Nancy: All I have is Greece and Turkey.

Frank: Alright, alright. I was reading an article in Psychology Today recently that said that men are turned on by others and women are turned on by how desirable others find them.

Accem: Interesting. I think one thing is true is that those models are really changing. I mean, we’re having some—where I’m living right now, the big thing is polyamory. Everybody’s talking about polyamory so… I mean that’s a model that’s incredibly blown away concepts fo sexuality and attraction and all of that. [Unclear] it’s blown up.

Frank: Tell me about—well where are you, number one, where polyamory is really—

Nancy: Blowing up.

Frank: Right.

Accem: Well I’m in Ashville, North Carolina. I’m in the place that one of the USA Today called the “Paris of the South.” I don’t know if it’s that living here myself but that’s the impression that people have coming here.

So we have a lot of tourists coming here for a variety of reason.

Frank: And the parents—

Accem: And a lot of—say it again?

Frank: I don’t even understand the comparison with Paris. What’s up with Paris? Paris is supposed to be polyamorous?

Accem: Well, you know there’s a lot of different experimentation with sexuality. There’s a lot of—there’s just all kinds of different impressions of what this place is about but there’s a lot of this experimentation of self and others here.

Frank: So do you believe that women are attracted to being considered attractive and men are attracted to people who they find attractive or people who look a certain way? Do you believe that? Do you have any–?

Accem: Yeah, yeah. I do. I believe that that’s commonly the way that men are and women are but I guess what I’m saying is that I think a lot of that is changing. I think it’s changing very rapidly in terms of what we’re both attracted to and how we receive gratification too for sexually.

I think that those ideas are changing and I think they’re changing rapidly.

Frank: You got anything on that, Nancy?

Nancy: I’m having a hard time with that.

Frank: Really?

Nancy: Yeah. A little bit. I’m thinking, I’m not attracted to people just because they’re attracted to me.

Frank: Okay.

Nancy: A lot of people that are attracted to me don’t do anything for me.

Frank: Well maybe not just attracted but is that a factor?

Nancy: Well that a person I’m attracted to finds me attractive? I’m interested in that.

Frank: Does that double it? Does it double the attractiveness if someone you’re attracted to—I mean, who wouldn’t be in that case, well of course.

Nancy: Great. But what I’m saying is, if a person is not turned on by me, it doesn’t—you know, some people like the challenge. “Oh god, I think he’s hot. He’s not feeling me now but I’ve got news for him—“

Kweku: Are you attracted to others?

Nancy: Of course.

Kweku: So I don’t understand… Whoever wrote that… Like was it an explanation or something?

Accem: Alright now you know when the sister goes out at night and she just got on the [unclear] and she got the booty all up—

Nancy: Booty all up….

Accem: High heels….

Frank: That’s how Nancy’s dressed right now.

Nancy: Ohhhh! No he didn’t…

Accem: She may be doing that for herself… But I think she’s doing a lot of that until that somebody sees that booty…

Nancy: Well yeah. It’s not like you’re not getting yourself situated to attract the opposite sex. It’s just not everybody you attract—

Frank: You want.

Nancy: You want, right, right.

Kweku: Sounds like I [unclear] preferences.

Nancy: What? The booty out?

Kweku: Yeah, yeah.

Accem: Well I guess I’m telling on myself a little bit.

Kweku: [unclear] with that.

Frank: I haven’t said anything but I’m not exempt.

Kweku: Easy…

Frank: What are you attracted to, Nancy?

Nancy: What am I attracted to… that’s a great question. What am I attracted to…

Kweku: Anybody over 6 feet.

Nancy: Ohh.

Kweku: Blow your hair back.

Frank: We got some carry over from one show to the next.

Nancy: You know, if I look at my history, it’s difficult for me to find what I would call a “physical type,” however, I’m looking for a bunch of stimulation. So I need stimulation like mentally, I need… a lot of physical contact. Like I found out that physical touch is a huge love language for me, it is primary.

Frank: Really?

Nancy: Yes, if you’re not affectionate, I’m not your girl.

Frank: And does that mean physical touch, when you’re sitting on the couch, your feet are touching? Does that mean you are being held? Does that mean possibly sex?

Nancy: Possibly sex?

Frank: Right. Holding hands, because there’s a lot.

Nancy: That’s interesting because it’s not a thing where you got to be touching me and like some kind of security blanket. It’s not like that. However, it is when I see you for the first time in the day, there needs to be a hug and kiss and embrace. When we wake up, there’s need to be (kiss sound) “Good morning baby.” I’m also big on terms of endearment but I hate the word “dear”… I can’t stand that.

Frank: What’s up with that?

Nancy: I don’t know but it just is June Cleaver-ish and I’m just not that archetype. Alright?

Frank: Okay.

Nancy: So yes, there’s affection, there’s a lot of mental and mental stimulation.

Frank: Being a consummate generalist, I can imagine you like to be—you like talking of different things.

Nancy: Yeah.

Frank: And to be… like you said, stimulated.

Nancy: Yes.

Frank: And articles in the paper, “Hey babe, what you think about this?” that sort of thing. Is that right?

Nancy: Anything, yeah. If you want to know what I think about something, absolutely.

Frank: What if I don’t?

Nancy: If you don’t…

Frank: Then I’m not the guy for you?

Nancy: Well, it’s not that you’re not the guy for me… It’s more like you’re going to find yourself chasing an answer that I have. It’s like well, but you didn’t ask me.

Frank: You’re going to hear it anyway.

Nancy: No, no, I won’t force it on you. But it’s kind of like… I might have the answer and it’s not a thing where you didn’t ask me so I’m not going to tell you, like you got to chase me for the answer because that’s something that I can discern over time how much regard you’ll have for what I have to contribute. If you don’t have a lot of regard for what I have to contribute, we ain’t going that far anyway. But it would be problematic for you to have to come back and say, “Well damn, why didn’t I ask her in the first place?”

So you know, it’s a lot of intangible stuff gets me. A man who is doing his spiritual work is adventurous to me. A man who is healthy is interesting to me. A man who just has a varied interest but he’s interested in what he’s interested in. A man who is a man. A man who is a man, he’s not going to be doing what I tell him to do.

Kweku: Oh man but I don’t think I’m your type. The X-box control in my [unclear]…

Nancy: Yeah, I’m not big on—like I don’t want to have ot compete with the sports…

Kweku: Oh yeah, it’s done.

Nancy: …the whole video thing…

Frank: What if your feet are touching while he’s watching sports?

Kweku: Oh that’s big.

Nancy: No… but I do want to be touching when we sleep.

Kweku: Oh no, no.

Nancy: That does something to me.

Frank: Even if—

Nancy: We don’t have to be all wound up together…

Frank: But even if your butts are touching?

Kweku: No…

Frank: That’s enough?

Nancy: Feet… something… I need to be we’re in bed together.

Kweku: So you’re not [unclear] separate bedrooms?

Nancy: No.

Frank: You know, I can actually relate. The touching? It could be just toes touching.

Nancy: Yes.

Frank: Feet touching. There’s comfort.

Kweku: That’s cool but not while watching sports.

Frank: Well—

Kweku: Why be touching while watching the Super Bowl…

Nancy: No.

Frank: That’s— I mean, the Super Bowl ain’t really a competition.

Kweku: Or a regular season game.

Frank: Yeah, well that’s different.

Kweku: Respect my space.

Frank: Okay.

Nancy: Respect mine.

Frank: You got anything on this, Kweku? What do you find attractive you want to weigh in anywhere?

Kweku: What do I find attractive?

Frank: Yes.

Kweku: What Accem already said.

Frank: Oh okay.

Nancy: Booties.

Kweku: No, no, no… I like thinkers.

Frank: Yeah!

Kweku: I like thinkers.

Nancy: Accem, I wish you could see this guy!

Kweku: I like what people call “independent women” but it’s not necessarily—someone that doesn’t rely on you for everything but more or less I’ll meet in the middle as opposed to me meeting you all the way over there when you track her all the way here… Or you have yourself established looking for daddy or somebody and vice versa. You’re not looking to support some guy who doesn’t want to or aspire to do things themselves.

Nancy: Right.

Kweku: Especially I guess at this age, it’s like, let’s be in the middle and move forward. So physically, I [unclear]…

Frank: I want to get the guys listening. This is deep, this is important, okay? I’m telling you guys that off the top. I want to get the guys listening, prepared for Mother’s Day. And I’ve got a question… Who is Mother’s Day for? I did this on Facebook sometime ago and I got all kinds of answers.

Is Mother’s Day for a man? Is the Mother’s Day for your momma? Is it for your wife, your daughter, your sisters (if they have children)? Who is Mother’s Day for? And if all of them don’t get along if you got to do one, who will you make the priority on Mother’s Day?

Accem: Wow. That’s a deep question. First of all, I would say that I experience Mother’s Day as being for all the women in my life. I touch base with my mom, and make sure she knows I’m thinking about her.

Frank: Does that mean she’s not in the same town as you, when you say you “touch base”?

Accem: Yes, she’s in Philadelphia. I’m in Ashville. So I always touch base with her. She’s probably the first woman I’m going to call in that day. But then I—

Frank: You don’t have to call your wife. Are you married?

Accem: No, not right now. No

Frank: Okay.

Accem: But what I do is go down the list of women that are important in my life and my daughter, she’s right in there. I make sure that she knows that Mother’s Day is important. She’s learning how to be a woman and she’s only 13 years old but it’s very important to me that she begin early to know that this is important for her too. That the man in her life should honor her and really show that he’s thinking about her at important times.

Now this is also—you got to be [unclear] materialistic time of the year like many of [unclear] so-called holidays. So it didn’t have to be flowers and all of this because just the thought would be good. That’s how I do it.

Frank: Nancy, you got anything on this as—I mean, it’s interesting because you’re not a mom.

Nancy: I am not a mom. I am an auntie.

Frank: But you have been a wife.

Nancy: I have been a wife.

Frank: And…

Nancy: And my mom and my grandmom are alive so…

Frank: Wow, your mom and grandma are with us?

Nancy: What?

Frank: What a treasure.

Nancy: Oh my goodness. Yes they are and so from my vantage point, it’s about them and my niece, I have a niece who has two boy and my sister of course. So I acknowledge them but for me, the holiday’s about my mom, acknowledging my mom and my grandmother. I don’t have energy for me on Mother’s day. It’s not like an invalidation of self, I just don’t look at it like it’s my holiday. So…

Frank: I’m going to exempt you from the conversation.

Nancy: It’s fine, yeah.

Frank: You too, Kweku. And I’m—

Kweku: Why did you exempt me? You just said men.

Frank: But it’s different. The reason that there’s a different—

Kweku: You just asked Accem. You asked Nancy. For me, I didn’t even get to say anything. So I guess Jeff has no input either.

Frank: No. Alright, alright…

Kweku: The question was posed to those men, that’s crazy.

Frank: No, he advise is given to men.

Kweku: Were you off this morning?

Frank: Okay. Kweku, what are your thoughts?

Kweku: I don’t have any thoughts.

Nancy: Well there you have it.

Kweku: You know, as you go around and tell you what the person is thinking of their answer and for the host to come back and say “I don’t really want your answer.” So now I have to tell you something else.

Frank: Kweku, what are your thoughts? What do you have to add?

Kweku: Well, Frank… I will add, when I was married…

Frank: Okay.

Kweku: The wife first, mom, 1 B… Because mom’s expectation is you… Your wife and so forth…

Frank: Is that mom’s expectations?

Kweku: My mother.

Frank: Okay.

Kweku: Yeah, my mother, that’s her. Some other mothers may be not. And then other women in your life who you consider phenomenal mothers and aunts and so forth like my sisters, you know… whoever’s close to you. [Unclear] between your Facebook, just send a general “Happy Mother’s Day” to everybody.

Frank: I got to apologize to you, Kweku because the reason I was saying—

Kweku: For just this?

Frank: Yes, just this.

Nancy: And so many other things.

Frank: The reason I was asking what I was saying what I said was because you’re not married. I was… starting to—I wanted to hear and weigh in as a guy who had it coming at them in any direction. So wife, daughter, mother, you know all of that. and that I know that’s—Jeff, I know he’s got something to say and I got something to say so I’ll throw it over to Jeff.

Jeff: You really want me to open this mic?

Frank: Yeah, let’s hear it.

Kweku: Hey Jeff, he was going to skip me for real.

Jeff: You know what? I think where you were going with this, or maybe this is an underlying intention. Both my grandmothers and mother have passed. I have a godmother and of course my wife is the mother of my children. My daughter doesn’t have kids.

Nancy: Okay.

Jeff: So, Mother’s Day, yes. I send my godmother a card and it’s usually funny like I get one of those from your 3-year old kind of thing but I do write her a note and I only talk to her 3 or 4 times during the year. I know she expects that, I know she likes that. I get my wife something and it’s nothing big, it might be flowers, maybe dinner and oh, breakfast in bed or something like that… Mother’s Day is my chance to feel good myself acknowledging the mothers in my life.

Nancy: Okay.

Jeff: So I do feel good when I see them appreciate my appreciation for them.

Nancy: Yeah, nice.

Jeff: And you know what? It’s not just Mother’s Day. When you give a gift, when I buy a gift or when I thnk I’m being thoughtful, I’m taking the time and the money… It’s because I want them to know and then when they appreciate it, that makes me feel good.

Nancy: Sure.

Jeff: So that goes for Christmas and all of that. So yeah, it’s a fabricated holiday, it’s a necessary when every day should be Mother’s Day but that is what it’s wound up being to me. I buy that card knowing on Mother’s Day, my god mother’s going to know I’m thinking about her.

Nancy: Right, right.

Jeff: That makes me feel good.

Nancy: Right.

Kweku: Hold on, come back to me. I forgot one [unclear].

Frank: Okay, back to you, Kweku.

Kweku: My mother-in-law, my previous relationship from my marriage, I’m still very close with her so I reach out to her as well.

Nancy: Oh that’s nice.

Kweku: She was mom for 10 years officially. It still is so the contract doesn’t [unclear]… So she also someone who gets a phone call.

Frank: It’s interesting because in my previous relationship, there was a preference, there was an obvious preference for her to be THE ONE on Mother’s Day.

Nancy: Okay.

Frank: It was like—“This is my day” and that has somehow stuck with me because I didn’t feel that way. I didn’t feel as though it was HER day. I felt as though if it was anybody’s day, it was my mother’s day because it’s MOTHER’S DAY. Meaning, my momma and it’s not wife’s day.

Nancy: Got it.

Frank: And even if you are the mother of my children, which I’m not necessarily saying the previous relationship I was in was the one that I’m talking about was the one where I have children. I’m kind of living that alone.

Nancy: Okay.

Frank: However, even if that relationship is one where I have children, YOU are THEIR mother. If anything, it’s my desire or maybe even responsibility to promote our children celebrating you as their mother but you’re not my mother.

Nancy: Got it.

Kweku: But historically, how many years prior to that it was for your mother.

Frank: Yeah.

Kweku: So all the mother day’s previous prior to you getting married was about your mother then all of a sudden, it’s supposed to switch—I don’t know… the history is that it was your mother. So you got married all of a sudden “This is my day.” Well like hold on, last 20 something years it has been about my mother.

Frank: And yet, why don’t you celebrate your mom?

Nancy: Well… Well I’m sure she does celebrate her mother but I think that the thing that is maybe missed here is that… let me just say theoretically, a man has his mother until such time—

Frank: As he takes his wife?

Nancy: As he takes his wife and then his wife becomes the priority.

Frank: But she—

Nancy: And I will say I think it’s fascinating to the positive that your mother stressed your wife or stresses the importance of the woman in your life and finds it important that you nurture that relationship because she knows that there isn’t any question about her relationship with you.

Kweku: I would say it’s true.

Nancy: Yeah.

Frank: But I’m not even saying that it’s not—that the wife isn’t the priority generally speaking. I’m just saying as it pertains to this particular holiday.

Nancy: No, no, no, you said that you had a situation where the woman in your life felt that Mother’s Day was her day like forsake all others unto me kind of thing, “I am the chief” and so I’m just saying…

Kweku: That might be a security issue.

Nancy: Yeah, I don’t know why it has to get all as involved as that though I’m sure she’s not a league of one…

Frank: Right, right…

Nancy: I just sense that when you said “Well why’s it have to go there?” That dynamic, that once a man takes a wife, she becomes his primary concern.

Frank: I agree with that.

Nancy: But you’re saying it’s Mother’s Day, you want to acknowledge your mother. I also don’t find that problematic.

Frank: And let’s acknowledge her mother too.

Nancy: Sure.

Frank: Let me support you and acknowledge your momma too.

Nancy: In acknowledging your mother and support the kids in acknowledging you.

Frank: Yes.

Nancy: I think that that’s a perfect progression. Yeah.

Frank: First let me deal with my momma and don’t try to alienate—

Nancy: You’re getting my way.

Frank: Yeah, don’t try to alienate my momma for you.

Nancy: Right.

Frank: It need not be versus.

Nancy: Absolutely, I agree. There need be no competition. There is no competition.

Frank: Well, alright.

Nancy: Onward.

Accem: Well ain’t there they say there’s a saying that a man takes a woman for a moment in his life but your mother’s your mother for your entire life.

Frank: Well, that’s real.

Nancy: Indeed.

Kweku: Who said that?

Accem: I did.

Nancy: He’s weighing in.

Frank: He’s made up his saying.

Accem: I make up my own thing.

Nancy: Oh my god.

Kweku: I was never coming to sense to me when you said it. I knew [unclear] makes sense. Who made that up?

Nancy: That’s how you got in here, might as well celebrate it.

Kweku: That makes perfect sense.

Frank: We’re going to put a sign up here in the studio that says, “If you got something deep to say, start it with saying “There’s a saying.”

Accem: I like that.

Kweku: “According to a wise man…”

Accem: That happens to be me.

Nancy: We got to site the reference, just call him.

Frank: Good try not to ask you to site your reference too much because it gets stale when you constantly say it was me.

Kweku: I said it.

Frank: Okay, alright. Once again, today’s guest is a naturopath and a practitioner of Chinese medicine. He’s the author of American Barefoot Doctor’s Manual, a text that was developed to share the experiences and wisdom in many citizens in mid-century China acquired and shared as they sought to prevent and treat disease.

So, Accem, the first question I ask every guest or that I have asked, that I make sure is asked of every guest and I’m kind of looking at my co-host… Anybody want to ask it?

Nancy: Are you ready Accem?

Kweku: But I’m just not the one you want to ask…

Frank: Okay let me get to the real question first.

Nancy: The inaugural question.

Accem: The inaugural question… Okay.

Nancy: What advice can you give to a 25 year old couple that has a baby due in 2 months?

Accem: Okay. That’s a good one. Well, I’d say in my own life, I use my own life as an example and folks that I counsel is that you have to have a way of looking at your life and a good guy would be physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. Somehow, you got to bring balance to all of those areas. So you’re 25 eyar old couple and you got a baby coming, you got to have it planned now because when that baby gets here, all engines are going. You don’t have time to try to figure it out at that point. You’re like in high gear.

So figure it out and while we’re doing that is just sitting down on a quiet time because this quiet, peaceful time hopefully as you’re preparing for that and just mapping out what your life is going tolook like.

Frank: How many children do you got?

Accem: Just one.

Frank: One? Okay.

Accem: But I delivered her myself and in the bath tub. One of the things that we had to do and we did it early, we did a lot early in the pregnancy was to sit down and look at what our life was going to be like in the coming months, in the coming year, all the way up to five years. What do we want? What do we want for our baby? And it was a guide for us. It was an incredible guide for how we saw our lives. We wound up going down to Texas and purchasing a 40 foot motor home, buying land up in Waynesville, North Carolina on a mountain and we lived there for two years. It was the most incredible time of my life because we got to live some of the things that we mapped out like we’re like—

Frank: Did you like delivered the baby and that was it? the baby was delivered and ya’ll just started your life, you never went to the hospital? You planned—

Accem: We never—my daughter never saw a doctor for the first until she started school. She never saw an MD. Down here, she never got vaccination until 3 months ago because I’m taking her to Mexico on Thursday. That’s the first vaccination she’s ever had—

Frank: And how old is she?

Accem: 13. She’s one of the healthiest kids, she never gets sick and none of that. she never had any of those issues.

Frank: And how did you know how to deliver a baby?

Accem: Because I had done it in Chicago. The acupunctures there and I work with a midwife. Actually, one of the midwives I worked with in Chicago wanted to deliver our baby and so that’s how we got down to North Carolina initially. As things go, she had two other births during that time so guess who stepped in? Just me and my wife, just her and I. It was a magical event. It’s just has changed my whole perspective in terms of children, child bearing, fatherhood, all of that. Delivering my daughter was the most incredible experience in my life.

Frank: And you went outside and buried the placenta and all of that?

Accem: No, no, no. We did something called—it’s an Egyptian idea of actually having the placenta right there with the baby until the cord gets hard and it actually falls off by itself. It’s a very ancient practice and then you char the placenta and keep it.

And then at times, when you want to do a spiritual practice, you actually take little bits of it and spread it around…

Nancy: Like ashes?

Accem: Yeah, like ashes.

Nancy: Okay.

Accem: It’s an incredible practice, unbelievable. But—

Kweku: So a whole lot of placenta’s [unclear].

Frank: I got 5. That’s right, I didn’t deliver none of them.

Kweku: Simple storage.

Nancy: Storage. Oh my goodness.

Frank: Where’d your naturopathic journey start?

Accem: Well, it started with my grandmom, really. I mean my grandmother was—we had a family farm, 200 acre farm in [unclear] and she was basically an herbalist. She’s go out and pick herbs and bring them back and I was fascinated. I was the only person in our family that was interested in that work and so that was really my beginning and then basically, I went to school last year and did a whole lot of study with different practitioners across the country—Chicago, Philadelphia, both places I spent a lot of my life and travelled, did acupuncture in China. So my acupuncture experience is really more in line with martial arts rather than just a practice of acupuncture. So there, I [unclear] to different categories. So I’m more of like a hit medicine practitioner. It’s more designed to something going on with you locally then you treat it in the moment. If you don’t take a treatment and take it out months, years… if it works, it’s going to work right now.

So in the martial arts, if you get hit in the eye, you don’t need to be having a formula because the blood is flowing, your broken vessels in the eye and you’ve got internal bleeding, it needs to work right now because you’re up in a high altitude, there’s no doctors around… That kind of thing.

So hit medicine is very practical and so that was my attraction, was to find things that were very practical because for some reason I would be attracted to those issues.

Frank: Meaning you were always getting hit in the eye?

Accem: Yeah, brother. Yeah, yeah.

Kweku: [Unclear].

Nancy: Kweku said Frank is getting his eye to but he doesn’t have a program…

Accem: [Unclear] yeah.

Nancy: Get yourselves some needles.

Accem: We’ve got something for you [unclear].

Frank: What’s a living spiritual practice?

Accem: Well, it goes in line with physical-mental-spiritual with the addition of psychic and psychological. Those are the areas that once you really handle the more practical things in life and your life is not full of stress physically, you feel like you’ve got your body in order. Like you don’t walk around where you’re feeling tired all the time, you’re feeling constipated or you’re just not feeling well in your body.

My grandma used to say that when people are upset and angry with each other and fussing and carrying on, most of the time, they just don’t feel good in their body. When you don’t feel good in your body, it leaves to other disharmonies in your emotions and how you treat other people. So a living spiritual practice is that you handle each one of those areas.

It’s the same thing with the 25 year old couple. If you’re going to have a baby and you don’t have your physical rife, you’re not eating right and emotionally, you don’t have some balance. You’re not retreating your partner with enough respect and you can tell because she’s irritable and unstable now that she’s pregnant. Some of that, is going to happen but the extremes is what I’m talking about.

These high highs and these low lows are problem in daily life so we have to try to balance those out—physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When we can do that, we have a living practice. We do that and other people notice. Other people notice that and in my life, that’s how I would get students. I wouldn’t go and advertise. As a matter of fact, whenever I advertise, I’ve got the weirdest people that you—

Frank: Crackpots.

Accem: Oh I mean, people who would stalk you and all kinds of things. So I stopped advertising.

Frank: Is that how you met Nancy?

Accem: Well, she was a nice stalker.

Nancy: I was referred.

Accem: She was referred.

Nancy: Yes.

Accem: It’s friend of ours.

Nancy: Yes, absolutely.

Frank: When I hear the phrase “spiritual practice,” it reminds me—I don’t think it’s the same as what you’re saying. It reminds me of Bernard Hopkins. I don’t know if you know who that is, but he is a very talented and older boxer. So Bernard is maybe 50, he’s been in the game a long time. He’s absolutely one of the greats and he’s a technician, he is a student of the ring and while he’s not at the top anymore, he was defeated, he has been defeated recently, last few years but he’s still a man to be.

Kweku: He had a belt.

Frank: Yeah.

Kweku: Last year or the year before.

Frank: Yeah. He’s no joke. Absolutely no joke.

Accem: Wow.

Frank: But the thing that I admire so much about him is he lives in the ring. He goes in the day or the Monday after a big fight he had which was on a Saturday, he was back in the ring at the gym. He does that every day. That’s just a way of life for him where it’s not like he takes time off and goes and somewhere, few months and then he’s got a fight coming up and he begins to train… He trains every day. He’s constantly studying and maintaining himself so that he’s fit and on top of his game.

Accem: Same thing.

Frank: And that’s what I think about when I think of a living spiritual practice. Does—?

Accem: Yeah, same thing.

Frank: Really? Okay.

Accem: In Thailand, they have a practice, they have the same, they say same-same but different. It’s the same but it’s different. It’s the same though. Everything that you just said is a living practice. I mean that’s how you do it. You don’t just “I’m going to practice this today.”

Like a lot of people they say they’re going to practice meditation and so they make their little time to do it and they got their little music and anything that’s not in line with that? They can’t practice. Whereas if you’re meditative, you can meditate anywhere. You can meditate on a crowded bus in Japan. When they crowd a bus in Japan, you got a crowd.

Frank: Yeah, yeah.

Accem: I mean, they’re like sardines getting on a bus and you should be able to meditate in a crowd of people standing up. So the thing is with living practice is not like you have to make time, you got everything has to be just right and when it’s not, you get upset.

Nancy: Or you don’t practice.

Accem: Or you don’t practice and you just, you want to practice. “One day I’m going to do that.” Living practice is it’s just a part of what you do. It’s just a part—you’re just constantly looking at your body. You’re feeling it. It’s not a separate part of you. You’re feeling your body. You’re like, “Oh man today, the left side of my chest just don’t feel right.”

Frank: Yeah, yeah.

Accem: If you keep going with that—

Nancy: It’s a heart attack. Yeah.

Accem: So people don’t just get high blood pressure. It just doesn’t come on you. You know they say it’s the silent killer?

Kweku: Yeah.

Accem: It’s bullshit. There’s nothing silent about high blood pressure. You know it if you’re watching your body. You know it over time that something’s not right.

Kweku: That’s true.

Accem: But you keep going.

Frank: And how does that—

Accem: And the first thing they do with high blood pressure is tell you to stop eating pork. Now why would they tell you to do that? Because there must be something about what you’re eating that’s causing you to do that.

Kweku: [Unclear] yellow pill you take every morning.

Accem: Yeah, exactly.

Frank: You tell…

Accem: In a job that I have now, my blood pressure went up to 150 which you know is crazy blood pressure right? I never had high blood pressure in my life. And so, I’m like checking my—I’m kind of freaked up for a minute.

So I started just researching my previous people that I’ve worked with and the only thing that I can think was different is I was eating out a lot more. I was eating out at restaurants a lot more and so I looked at it, I’m like “You know what? I’m going to stop doing this.” With the new job I had, it was easier to do that.

So when I went back to my practice of fixing my own food within a month and a half, it went down to 125.

Nancy: Wow.

Accem: I just had to literally last week, I had to take my DOT physical because—they gave me a 3-year card. It’s like good, whatever you’re doing, keep doing it. And but my point on that is… I knew something was wrong. I didn’t need to get the pill to get somebody else to tell me “You need to get the pill because you got high blood pressure.” I’m like, I got to think about what am I doing all the time to take me off.

Frank: Yeah.

Accem: What am I doing that’s taking me off my game? Like Bernard Hopkins. What’s taking me off my game?

Frank: And pay attention to it and make adjustments.

Accem: Exactly. If I don’t make those constant adjustments, then I’m just going along. We don’t just gain weight over time. Over time we gain weight, and we’re just not paying attention. Why when you hit 50 do you start gaining more and more weight? What’s up with that? I think it’s because we don’t look at it as we go along in life.

Nancy: We start think it’s not important. Yeah.

Frank: Nancy just said we start thinking it’s not important and… one of the things I’ve wrestled with is in terms of getting older, gaining weight, that sort of thing, it feels like I just don’t feel like running anymore. I don’t feel like rushing, I don’t feel like being as active. But the thing is, as you get less active, you put on weight and you lose the ability to be active.

Nancy: It’s an equation.

Frank: Yeah, you got to keep moving to be able to move.

Accem: My grandmother used to say “All god’s children got to move.” And that’s my saying about movement and for almost 10 years we did something here that’s actually called conscious movement day. It was one day out of the year usually the same time in April and we‘d invite ballet dancers, latin dancers and tai chi and qigong.

Then people would say, “Why are tai chi and qigong practitioner teacher, why would you invite all these other people then they’ll take away from your practice—“ I’m like “No, I don’t care how you move. Just move.” I have all these people here and you’re going pick something that really looks attractive to you that you really want to try and that’s the thing, is you can be excited.

When I was younger, I did boxing. I was a little golden glove champion in Michigan…

Frank: Wow.

Accem: And I love boxing.

Frank: We’re talking Detroit?

Accem: Well, Lansing.

Frank: Alright so you—

Accem: Yeah, I went to Michigan State so while I was in college. Boxing was my ticket. That was what I wanted to do the whole time I was there and—

Frank: You box for the University?

Accem: I did.

Frank: That’s where? Was it a JV Club or was it a club sport or was it an actual varsity?

Accem: It was varsity.

Frank: Wow.

Accem: Varsity.

Frank: There’s not a lot of that.

Accem: Yeah, they no longer have it unfortunately. Now they have it at the Sports Club in Lansing. But it used to be in the college. It used to be right there at Michigan State. It was my—now what I was saying is it lost its attractiveness after a while. Like for me, I was attracted to martial arts after that.

I met a guy when I was I college that did Aikido. In Aikido’s fascinating, I mean just the movement of it and just how it looks more like poetry in motion rather than fighting. That’s kind of where my copiousness was moving. I grew up as a Muslim so I grew up fighting and there was a lot of anger there too living in Philadelphia. I grew up when there was a lot of gangs and stuff there.

So fighting was kind of part of the lifestyle.

Frank: The culture.

Accem: Going to college fighting was—but then I was losing that desire to really battle like that in martial arts.

Frank: Philly and fighting, that seems to go hand in hand. I mean, talking—

Accem: Way back.

Frank: Philly? I’m not just talking about boxing. You know so we were talking about Bernard Hopkins. Bernard Hopkins was a Philadelphia fighter but when you talk about—people in Philly seem to—they’ve seen to just fight like—

Accem: Yeah, yeah. It’s true.

Kweku: He going to stay there and had the first jail.

Nancy: Wow.

Kweku: …Underneath the stadium.

Accem: And I’m not going to lie, Philadelphia is just brutal when I came up.

Kweku: Still is.

Nancy: Oh okay.

Accem: We had a lot of street gangs and it’s not the same now but we had Dogtown break your—I mean the whole city was divided into gangs and if you couldn’t fight, you were out. In junior high, we had something that’s called “The Kangaroo.” Yeah, the Kangaroo was a line of boys on both sides you had to walk through and they will whip your ass. If you made it through, you win. If you fell down and you couldn’t get make it through, you’re a pussy. That was the claim to fame.

Kweku: Why Kangaroo though?

Frank: What did it have to do with Kangaroo?

Accem: I don’t know, man. I don’t know where the name came but that was the Kangaroo.

Nancy: They didn’t question it… Wow.

Kweku: [Unclear].

Accem: Yup, you had to make it through the Kangaroo. I mean, they’ll be wailing your ass. You would go home sore, that’s for sure, man.

Nancy: Wow.

Frank: Yeah, that tends to happen when people beating your ass.

Accem: Yup. Well that was in Philadelphia. I’ve never heard of anything like that anywhere else. That was junior high school.

Frank: We’re talking with naturopath and practitioner of Chinese medicine, Accem Scott. He’s the author of American Barefoot Doctor’s Manual, a text that was developed to share the experiences and wisdom that many citizens in mid-century China acquired and shared as they sought to prevent and treat diseases.

Accem, please tell our listeners how they can find you and tell us about your services.

Accem: Okay. Well, you can find me anywhere on Google. Just Google “Accem Scott,” that’s the easiest way because a lot of my videos, I just put them on there for free. I don’t charge anything for any of the stuff that I put up there but I also have a blog, www.americanbarefootdoctor.blogspot.com. That’s also Google-able. My phone number is 828—I make up my own shit.

Kweku: “Google-able…”

Accem: 828-280-7287.

Nancy: Cool.

Frank: Now, I’m going to take it to the area where I’m asking the parents to turn it down, maybe if you—I don’t know will you let your children listen to… We’re going to take it to another level. So if you’re cautious, if you’re not sure, turn it down, tell your kids to get out of the car, leave them on the side fo the road… No, I didn’t mean that.

Nancy: Yes, he did.

Kweku: It’s because these kids aren’t exposed to [unclear]…

Frank: Oh just send them to the next room. You got a term called “dick knowledge.”

Accem: Dick knowledge, yeah.

Frank: What is that?

Accem: Well actually I had read that there was a guy on the internet who wrote a letter to his dick. The thing that fascinated me about this was, is that in the letter, he talked about personalizing this experience with his dick. He wrote it with the intention of just unfolding like all of the early things that he had going on, like from day 1, in gym class I was a little paranoid letting other guys see me… I didn’t know how I stacked up and then when I had a relationship, I didn’t know my first relationship—I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know how it was going to work out. I didn’t know if she really wanted me or if I had the goods… and he just went on and on about just writing this letter.

What really fascinated me about it was, you know, there’s so much that men do not have a handle on just going in to a practice of just spirituality and having this relationship with a partner just brings it even closer to home because there’s so much misinformation. So much misinformation about the tools that we have as men—what we have to work with.

My practice is a practice of tantra. It’s a—

Frank: We talked about that a little bit on the show in the past.

Accem: Yeah, it’s really—I’ll tell anybody that… I knew I was going to have a child because the minute I lost my ability to practice tantra, my daughter was conceived that very same night. I knew that the person I was with that was in questionable that I had a great desire for her but I had…

Frank: Couldn’t keep it together?

Accem: I had never had that experience in my entire life before that. So…

Frank: She got you.

Accem: She got me.

Frank: You weren’t enlightened at that point.

Accem: I really wasn’t. What it has lead to over the years is really a desire to really inform men of what I have learned in terms of not only how to with the whole ejaculation, which is always the big thing. It’s always the big thing with men, is how do I last longer? And how do I this in—when I was a practitioner of acupuncture in Chicago, 2 groups of men were my biggest clients and that was East Indians and Chinese men.

I kept trying to figure and it was always issues around sexuality. I kept trying to figure out, why am I—I’m on some kind of list here… I’m getting more—and basically what I found out was this were repressed countries. They come from places where they didn’t have sex like we have, it’s so abundant here.

So now when they get to the US, it’s all over the place. What do they do? They burn the candle with both hands and now they can’t get their yang up. Right? So what everything that I just began to try help refocus them around maintaining the balance, that you don’t have to have an ejaculation every time you have sex because you’re going and coming at the same time.

So working with these men, I was able to actually began to really re-formulate a way to talk about it in a way for our audience, the folks that I relate to. The hardest groups for me to talk about with holding the ejaculation…

Frank: Let’s hear it.

Accem: Black men. African-American men.

Frank: Because?

Accem: Well, it’s like one of the common responses is—I’m not going to be back in my [unclear]… and the fact of the matter is, when you’re doing it right, you have an amazing experience of energy generation in your body. Not only that, the attraction you have for your partner, hits the roof.

Frank: Interesting.

Accem: So here’s the thing… Why is that the old common scenario where the man has an ejaculation and he rolls over and goes to sleep, right? I mean that’s something that we—

Frank: Right.

Kweku: Absolutely.

Nancy: [Unclear}. Yes, yes.

Accem: That doesn’t happen when you’re practicing tantra righ, when you’re practicing the right way because what happens is, the energy generates and then it circulates. Once it generates and circulates, you can maintain that for as long as you want. the question is, do you ever have to release it?

Well, I mean there are folks who don’t release it for long periods of time.

Nancy: I heard once a year.

Frank: Wow.

Nancy: Yeah. I’ve heard that there are men who—

Accem: My own practice is even less than that.

Nancy: Really?

Kweku: I don’t even aspire to do that.

Accem: My daughter was an example of either me just blowing my lid and taking too long for… I was really attracted to my partner.

Nancy: Okay.

Accem: But my point is, there has to be—every man has to find a balance in that for himself.

Nancy: Got it.

Accem: For me, the balance is I don’t like feeling depleted.

Nancy: Right. Okay.

Accem: I just don’t like the feeling of being depleted.

Nancy: Okay.

Accem: If I could do a practice where I’m constantly regenerated, I’m all for that. Give me that. that’s what tantra does for me. I’m a 56 year old man and the thing is when people ask me “Why is your hair not black?” or “Why don’t you have any gray anywhere?” “Why is your face so smooth?”A lady asked me yesterday, one of my employees, she said “Tell me what you use on your skin.” And I gave her the formula, one of the taboo ingredients and she freaked out.

Nancy: Wait a minute.

Accem: [Unclear] a little bit.

Nancy: Taboo ingredients?

Accem: …for the taboo ingredients. Yeah.

Nancy: That’s another show, Accem.

Frank: We got to put a double disclaimer out there for that.

Nancy: Right, right.

Accem: You might want to send them down the hall.

Frank: You got a term “fractionation,” what is that?

Accem: I trained as a hypnotherapist years ago and one of the things in hypnotherapy that they foud out real early—this was like the turn in the century when hypnosis was a phenomenon… is that when you hypnotize a person, which is really the visualization and taking the person down into a deep state of relaxation, that’s basically what it is… when you do that with a person and then bring them out, and you take them back right into that state, they go deeper the second time. Then if you bring them again and take them back, they go even deeper. If you do this constantly over by before long they get to a state called “catalepsy” where they’re so deep until all kinds of things, you see [unclear] well that would happen to anybody. Not just people susceptible to hypnosis but anybody who goes in and out of the experience over and over again each time it gets deeper.

What they found over time is fractionation doesn’t just happen in hypnosis. Fractionation happens anytime like for instance you visualize something and you stop doing it, and then you go back and visualize it again. It increases whatever you’re seeing in front of you. Then you go out and you go back into it and it increases the sound, the color, everything becomes more phenomenal. You go out and then you come back and you keep doing this.

What fractionation, the way I use it is in all of my planning. Right now, I’m into actually teaching martial arts but I’m not into doing competition right now. I’m into pickle ball and I like it.

Frank: Pickle ball?

Accem: Yeah, pickle ball. It’s real popular in the West Coast. It’s really freaky. I can’t— it’s like table tennis, it’s like tennis. It’s claim to fame is that when you’re good players standing right there at the net, either side of each other, and just fire the ball to each other.

So you have to have really good hand to eye coordination just like in table tennis where they just fly that ball on one side to the other. Well, with pickle ball, you have to have this really good reaction time. So for me, the way fractionation works is, I’ll actually go—before I play, I don’t play or do anything with visualizing. I don’t do it.

Frank: Interesting.

Accem: I didn’t do what we’re doing right now without doing it. So everything that I do comes with—like I take time to see how I wanted to go before it goes there. now, so the way I do it is I look to the past and my successes in that area in the past and then I see myself in the present and I literally bring that into the present, like I literally see waves of the past entering to me right now. It’s a practice [unclear].

Frank: That’s kind of like vision boards right? There’s something to vision boards that’s in what you’re saying.

Accem: Yeah, there’ is. That’s more physical outside but this is something you do on the inside of yourself.

Frank: Right. The conversation you’re just having with yourself.

Accem: You have this with yourself and then once I do that with the past, I actually literally turn my head. The past is to the left, the present is right here in the middle with me right now. And then I turn my head to the right and I begin to visualize how I want to see an event, how I want to see it happen exactly the way I want to see it happening.

So for me, fractionation is something where it’s a mental process where you continue go in and out of visualization until the visual image that you’re trying to achieve is so powerful and strong, there’s no doubt it’s going to happen. That’s how I got the job that I have.

Frank: We’re talking with naturopath and practitioner of Chinese medicine, Accem Scott. He’s the author of American Barefoot Doctor’s Manual, a text that was developed to share the experiences and wisdom that many citizens in mid-century China acquired and shared as they sought to prevent and treat diseases.

Accem, please tell our listeners one more time how they can find you and your services.

Accem: Okay, well I’m Google-able and my name’s Accem Scott.

Frank: Spell that. Spell Accem.

Accem: Accem? A-C-C-E-M. It’s mecca spelled backwards.

Frank: Okay.

Accem: So it’s Accem Scott. I have a blog it’s www.americanbarefootdoctor.blogspot.com and my phone numbre’s 828-280-7287.

Frank: Along today’s journey, we’ve discussed living spiritual practices, dick knowledge and fractionation. I hope you’ve had as much fun as I had talking with naturopath and Chinese medicine practitioner, Accem Scott.

As always, it’s my wish for you to walk away from this conversation with a heaping helping of useful information that I hope you create a relation that’s as loving and accepting as possible.

Let us know what you think of today’s show at facebook.com/relationshipflove, on Twitter at @mrfranklove or at franklove.com. If you’re listening via Blog Talk Radio, make sure you like us there and if via iTunes, make sure you subscribe so that you can receive each week’s show.

This is Frank love.

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